Accountability or Annoying: Shared Email Addresses

It’s happened to me more than once.  I get an email from someone I don’t recognize right away.  But after staring at it for a few moments, I recognize the last name of someone I know.  So I open it and realize it’s actually from that person’s spouse...I think.  But on closer look I see the person’s name is actually on the email, squished together in some sort of Brangelina fashion, and I just missed it.  By that point, my fist is shaking in the air while I’m saying, “Silly shared email addresses!”

Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic.  But it’s true.  I get frustrated by shared email addresses.  I like to know who I’m communicating with.  I don’t want it to be a guessing game.  I’ve usually thought two people sharing an email address came from folks who weren’t tech savvy.  Maybe a wife likes email, but her husband can’t stand computers, so she just tacked his name on to force him into the online world.  (I realize this is a major generalization, but this is why my parents sort of share an email address.)

My opinion has changed a little bit after reading a recent article in the USA Today.  There’s a growing (but non-measureable) trend of Christian couples intentionally sharing email addresses.  For some it’s an accountability issue so neither spouse is tempted to venture into the bad parts of cyberspace.  Others say their lives are open books to their spouse and this is just a means to keep it that way.

While many people interviewed for the story say they never heard a sermon where they were told to do share an email address, Rev. Monica Mowdy has counseled couples to do so.  She says, “You get to the point where openness and daylight in a union becomes more critical than having your corner of privacy.  Whenever you have a place where you can keep secrets, the tendency is to keep secrets.”

How about you?  Do you share an email address with your spouse?  How about a Facebook account?  Is it really necessary to do this?

My wife and I don’t share an email address.  I trust her and she trusts me.  But we do know each other’s passwords for the most part.  Plus we have phones that automatically forward our mail.  If I wanted to see her emails, I could.  Same thing if she wanted to see mine.  Plus, she lets me be her Facebook friend. For me, that’s good enough.

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Comments (14)

Seems to me that sharing a password would be a little more effective.
Annoying, definitely annoying...
Personally, I do not see the aggravation some have with this concept. If you and your spouse share everything in life, as God intended, then what harm could come from sharing an email account? Think about what your saying.... What do you need to communicate that you wouldn't want your significant other to see? I feel this is an issue that for some can only mean their marriage is not what it should be. Anyway, that is my opinion and to me fits with God's intent for marriage.
This is one of my top pet peeves. What about the privacy of the person *sending* the email?

As a single women the information I want to share with my friend is not the same as the information I want to share with her husband. If they want accountability then get separate email addresses and share the password. No need to violate the privacy of emails from long time, well-known friends.
Sharing is problematic for a number of different reasons. For instance, there are matters of confidentiality (what if one spouse is an elder and the other is not, etc.) and when the person sending the email writes with the expectation of writing to one person, not a couple. It seems a little unfair to the other half of the conversation. Emailing has replaced many verbal forms of communication, like the telephone call. No one expects to call a friend's home to talk to Sue and have Bill listening on the other line without your knowledge.

My parents share an email address and I have an inherent distrust that the intended person received the note based on past experiences: more than once my Dad has opened the email, not kept it as new/accidently deleted, and failed to tell my Mom about the email's existence.

And one more thing: in marriage you share with one another, but you don't lose your personal identity or status as an individual person with relationships. Keeping separate email addresses may be a good little reminder of this important point.
I think sharing an email would be just impractical in our case, as my wife and I receive so much email geared toward our specific tastes and interests. She doens't want to sift thorugh all the fantasy football updates, Men's Ministry newsletters, and junk mail that I get. I don't need to get her shopping newsletters, baby stuff, and Mommy & Me messages. Between us, we probably have 5 email addresses, just to avoid all the junk mail! But i never hesitate to share my password, and if I ask for it, she'll give me her password, even though I usually forget it.
It's all about trust.
The other problem with this is it seems to be a false solution. We all know how easy it is to get a free web based email. So if someone wants to break the accountability there is virtually no cost to doing so. So I am not sure why anyone thinks this will solve anything. You either trust your spouse or you don't.
why not just sign up both email accounts in your mail client. My wife and I have access to both but use our own when sending.
I agree you, Jerod. Shared email addresses can be really annoying. Especially for the reason that Chelsey said -- when you're not sure that the person you are intending the message for is actually going to read it -- or if it will get lost by their spouse.

I personally do not share an email address with my hubby. I do think it could be good for the reasons stated, but I have to trust him that he is not going to keep secrets from me, and he trusts me to do the same.

We are an open book with eachother. The other day a friend wanted to tell my husband something and said, "You can't share this with your wife." My husband told him upfront, "I won't necessarily share it with my wife, but our relationship is an open book. I don't keep secrets from her. What you share with me, I need to feel free to share with her too."

When people share information with me, they have to understand that I may or may not share it with my husband -- based upon my own discretion. If they trust me enough to share it, they need to trust me enough to know how I will handle the information.

I made my wife get her own email account. I was tired of getting HGTV newsletters and other junk that was clearly only intended for her. She already knew my password (she was using my email), and I set up her account, so I know her password as well.
Definitely the annoying factor for me.
She has her own cell phone too, I see them as equally personal forms of communication.

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