Does pornography = adultery?

I'm guessing most evangelicals will answer "yes" to that question. (Although if you disagree, please share your thoughts below.) And I think that's right—but there's an excellent article over at The Atlantic this month about the topic which you should read even if you think you know the answer. It's by Ross Douthat (who is quickly becoming one of my favorite culture-commentators), and takes that seemingly straightforward moral question and unpacks it to reveal a lot of related questions about how our society understands pornography (please note: article contains frank language and subject matter). Questions like:

  • Does it make a practical difference (in our everyday lives, marriages, or relationships) if we consider pornography a form of adultery, rather than "just" another sin?
  • Is pornography ever something to be tolerated as an unpleasant but unavoidable "fix" for out-of-control sexual appetites? If pornography "safely" redirects sexual impulses that might otherwise go somewhere dangerous or illegal... does that make it less immoral?

Douthat (who does reference Jesus' famous warning about lust and adultery) suggests that pornography definitely exists on the "spectrum of adultery"—not as blatant or harmful as other forms of adultery, but something more serious than people like to admit. And current trends and technologies are making the distinction between pornography and adultery blurrier:

If it’s cheating on your wife to watch while another woman performs sexually in front of you, then why isn’t it cheating to watch while the same sort of spectacle unfolds on your laptop or TV? Isn’t the man who uses hard-core pornography already betraying his wife, whether or not the habit leads to anything worse? (The same goes, of course, for a wife betraying her husband—the arguments in this essay should be assumed to apply as well to the small minority of women who use porn.) [...]

This isn’t to say the distinction between hiring a prostitute and shelling out for online porn doesn’t matter; in moral issues, every distinction matters. But if you approach infidelity as a continuum of betrayal rather than an either/or proposition, then the Internet era has ratcheted the experience of pornography much closer to adultery than I suspect most porn users would like to admit.

This is an intensely personal subject, so I'm hesitant to ask you to relate your personal thoughts or experiences. But going just by the sobering statistics, this isn't an academic question for the majority of us. Do you consider pornography a betrayal of marriage vows? A harmless little vice? Does it matter?

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Comments (57)

Yes.
Where I think the question gets interesting is when you include softer, even subliminally erotic material.
Everyone can agree that a line should be drawn, but the questions of where and who manages the drawing are where the friction can be found.
Porn is not adultery for so many reasons. The most obvious is that a porn viewer may not be married or the person in the porn may not. I could easily say that it is fornication, licentiousness, lust, sensuality, etc. but not all porn is adultery.

I would say that if you are married or the person performing is married it is adultery. But that is really just splitting hairs. Really, is it bad to bring someone else into the relationship God intended for only two people? Of course it is. Even worse, isn't it a really bad idea to live in a dream world rather than face the truth. Porn is an act on a fantasy created by people to feel good about themselves through a completely selfish act. It is the opposite of love. Isn't that reason enough to avoid it.

Porn is an objectification of people and a false sense of intimacy. I had a seminary professor that told someone that if you are married, it is OK to masturbate, as long as you don't lust. What an interesting concept. Is it possible to masturbate and not lust? Isn't all of that a form of selfishness that doesn't belong in the love relationship God intended for men and women?
That is crazy, adultery, fornication, it is all a sin. And the two shall become one flesh, his body is not his own any more. I know I don't want to play with myself, so why would i want the other part of me doing it. Can't I be that fantasy? if i can't find some one who can.
I have struggled for some time with the "hierarchy" of sin. Although some have tried to show me references to prove otherwise, I can't see anyplace in Scripture where God thinks some sin is better or worse than others.

From a "practical" standpoint, we can see how some sin has more impact (on ourselves and other people) than other sin. In that respect, there may be a difference in the realm of pornography. But don't we have studies that show people who are engaged in pornography are never satisfied?

Healthy discussion, but l hope no one comes away saying "pornography is OK." We've compromised too much in our contemporary culture already.
If God didn't recognise "scales of badness" He would not be just. Check out Zechariah 1:15 or Matthew 26:24. I think it's the mistaken conception of Hell as a place equally tormenting for all inhabitants which makes people think God sees black and white.
I would have to be one that answers "yes" to that question, too. Jesus told us that to look upon a woman with lust is equal to committing adultery in our heart. God does not look at the outward actions of man, but to the inner heart. We are to set aside and die to our own selfish, fleshly desires and to walk in the ways of Christ. And if our Christ was standing next to us at that laptop and seeing what we were seeing, I have a feeling he wouldn't be looking at pornography as just a harmless way to pass the time.
Thank you
When someone questions whether pornography use is adultery, I always wonder if they're trying to justify something. In my experience, it's the wrong question; the fact remains that pornography is incredibly damaging to anyone, whether single or married, whether it qualifies as adultery or not.

It's funny because I use the same arguments against porn that I eschew when applied to role-playing games. Porn use represents an unhealthy descent into a fantasy world that causes the user to less effectively operate in the real world. However, unlike RPGs, the element of masturbation that typically accompanies porn usage and the inevitable shame cycle make porn a much stronger physiological and emotional (and yes, spiritual!) vice, one that more readily degrades into a full-blown addiction.

So is pornography adultery? Ultimately, I don't care — I think the question is irrelevant. I think it is as harmful as adultery, but might even be worse in many senses given its hidden nature, lower cultural resistance and higher availability. How's that for a non-answer? :-)

Great article, BTW.
Great non-answer. I agree wholeheartedly.
Yes it is harming. Now God made woman beautiful and wanting because if he didn't we wouldn't want to procreate. Two if you have had a loving intimate relationship with your wife or husband, you will say that not only did it satisfy a primal urge, but that it felt wonderful. God made us to procreate and therefore, made it pleasant to say the least. It is however, wrong and a sin to go outside the marriage. John
while it is true that its very wrong, this material is offered for free on internet and sometimes pops up automatically on the net, but if you go on godly websites, you will find out that most things are not being offered for free there, and for new believers its quite discouraging.
The battle is countering what they are offering on porn websites, and the idea is to get as many people as possible to believe the truth (believe in God) and most don't have credit cards in their countries, now how do they access gospel stuff now
Unfortunately, you could ask my wife if she feels porn is a form of adultery. She would answer and strong YES! I have shattered our marriage, plus many other aspects of our lives due to my porn and lust addiction.
It is a horrible trap of satan to be avoided at all costs. Now mainstream media is becoming a gateway to the porn industry (in my opinion). Each time a new show comes out for primetime it gets more sexual and overt. It's coming to the point where it's not going to be safe for anyone who wants to live an upright life to even turn on the TV or radio. And I'm not talking about paid extras on cable/satellite. I'm talking about cheap network TV and radio. And don't get me started about the affects media has on our children and the junk they are exposed to. Even if you are able to protect them in your own home, unfortunately most of their peers are probably not receiving the same protection.
Sorry for the rant, but I know first hand the devestation that porn brings. It is SIN and it is adultery. I did not save the most private thoughts & fantasies I had for my wife only. I have never physically cheated on my wife, but my thoughts kept me unconnected in that area. Your thoughts and actions should be kept in line with your spouse only.
May God bless you jlc, thank you for your true words. He is the Restorer!
I am in the same boat with my marriage and have discovered to my pain that sin begets sin. "What so ever a man soweth that also shall he reap." I fell into the porn trap as a teen when discovering playboy and penthouse magazines at a mans home for whom I was babysitting. I used it to fill my low self esteem issues as well as sexual needs. I assumed when I married, my wife would replace the porn to meet my needs. I underestimated the power of the addiction and of Satan.

IRONICALLY WHAT STARTED FROM MY LOW SELF ESTEEM AND SEXUAL INSECURITY poured over into my marriage. My wife's self esteem was so low by catching me looking at other women with my porn addiction that she eventually felt the need to find the attentions of another man in a real adulterous relationship to feel once again sexually desireable.

The emotional and spiritual distinction of physical adultery versus fantasy porn is a false one. They are both forms of betrayal to God and our spouse. I believed this lie from Satan (porn isn't really adultery0 and I gave him a foothold which has almost destroyed my marriage. My wife has forgiven me through the years for my porn but I kept backsliding. Now it is my turn to forgive her. I was unfaithful through fantasy porn many times. She has betrayed me only the once. Both sins undermine trust, loyalty, intimacy and all the spiritual gifts God intended for a healthy Christian marriage. Don't be like me and put off kicking your porn habit until the consequences have come home to roost in your wife's bed in additon to your own wounded guilt ridden heart.

I am deeply ashamed that it had to come to this for me to wake up to the way I have broken my wife's heart over and over to the point she has been suicidal. Pray for us. I am praying for everyone in our situation. We will only heal and be free through the power of our Risen Christ. With God all things are possible (Matt 19:26) Our married future is in God's hands where I should have had it all along. RMO
Yes it is adultery. It is sad how sex is everywhere and so accessible to tear up marriages. My husband and I were temporarily living apart so we could both work on other issues before living together again, at one point we weren't talking and thought it was over. So his friend had a 5 day stag party in Montreal and my husband went knowing what his friends were like. Noone put a gun to his head. So I am so heartbroken and unfortunately I am filing for divorce on Monday. I don't care if he got a private lap dance or didn't. I will not stay in a marriage where I can actually ask my husband "How many women have you seen in person naked other than your wife?" and that he actually has a number for me. And Jesus understands how betrayed a woman feels even if it is a sin of the heart, which is why he said we can use it as a clause to divorce. This is a sick world. I war with myself to forgive him and move on but, why should I stop believing in God's people and believe what satan wants me to, that all men are like this? All men are not like this. I feel bad for our 4 children. All under the age of 10 with no father now.
jlc & CF, thank you so much for sharing your testimonies. This is the kind of real life sin that is so important for us as Christians to acknowledge has affected us, ruined us, caused us to weep bitterly. It took grace & courage & I am sure more than just a little pain, for you both to share your stories. Thank you.

CF, please be encouraged that your children still do have a father. He may be a total @#$%&*! to you right now, while your wound is still so raw, but please remind yourself of his paternal role daily & pray for your children's father. Your comments about him to them will show them Christ in a very real way, even if it's a "Pray for your daddy because God wants you to pray for him" comment. They are half him, and they can't help that. Please build him up to them, do not tear him down, despite your (incredibly valid) feelings of anger towards his actions.

I hope you are in counseling, or do you have a close friend and/or a pastor wih whom you are able to share your deep grief and your feelings of betrayal? If not, please seek out Biblically based counsel. Scripture teaches us that there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors, so get this wound "in the light" by all means, otherwise it will fester and cause more damage. If I may recommend a book to you (besides your Bible, which I hope you are reading, especially the Gospel of John), please read Bold Love, by Dan Allender (jlc, I hink it would be a good read for you, too, if you haven't read it yet). Bold Love may help put your devastating pain into some kind of perspective, and possibly encourage your heart.

And, I always want to share this when women wonder if "all men are like this" and those sneaky, rotten seeds of bitterness and mistrust toward a whole gender try to take root: I was severely physically and emotionally abused by a woman, and treating others despicably isn't just a man-flaw. If you're going to despise all men, then you must despise all women too, including yourself, because we are not any better than the men. Our sins are just not usually so overtly sexual as theirs. No, not all men are like your husband, and not all women are like the one who harmed me. Keep your focus on the Lord Jesus Christ.

jlc, did your marriage survive your porn and lust addiction? What would you share with
someone like CF if say, you were a pastor, and she shared her story with you, not realizing what had happened in your life?
I was reading an article recently that made a painful point to many Christian women. It simply said that behind many of the "porn addicted" men in the church there are women who have no problem rejecting their husband sexually. Scripture is clear that if either spouse's sexual needs are not met they WILL be tempted to stray.
I just found this site tonight while searching for answers. I got married when I was 19 to the most caring and humble guy you'll ever meet. My life dream was to be a missionary someday, and he said it was his, too. I was very insecure and paranoid when we first got married, and I definitely recognize that I put too much pressure and control on him. About a year in he started looking at pornography, which he had told me he sruggled with before we got married. I was devastated. Looking back, I laugh at how broken up I was about this considering what was to happen later. Three years in, he told me he got fired from his job because he had asked some customers to have sex with him. I thought I would die of pain and heart break. I coped, though, and I blamed myself. That was the easiest way to deal with it. He "changed" and started going to counseling, etc. Then a year later, he decided that coulnseling, marriage and religion were "emasculating" him. He said he would look at porn if he wanted to and I needed to deal with it. So I did, and I became determined to love him despite how he treated me. At first I fought back, but he soon made it clear to me that he would do what he wanted no matter how it affected me. He also had times throughout all this when he would be his normal, sweet self. And I assure you I wasn't denying him sexually. Even two weeks after "the customer incident" I was having sex with him again because I felt it was my duty as his wife to fulfill his needs. Then about a year later he said we should get a divorce, he hated marriage, it was emasculating him, and he would leave me if I didn't do better in sex. I said I would do better while still making it known to him that his behavior was unacceptable. I tried, but he wanted me to have sex like a porn star, and I'm not that. I can't be that. Still he would be so kind and caring to me concerning every day things. My brother's beautiful wife left him that year, and my family was devastated, but my husband said she was smart and that marriage was stupid. A couple of months later my brother informs me that my husband has been writing suggestive emails to his ex-wife. I was stunned, but it didn't hurt as bad as the first time, luckily. By this point I had already accepted that my husband was going to use porn and I couldn't stop him. But I still stayed, waiting to figure out what to do. Then the day or two before Christmas, he sent and email to her basically confessing his infatuation and lust for her over the years, and trying to kind of hook up with her, although not so overt as with the customers. I left the next day and stayed moved out for about three months. The thing is, according to my upbringing in the church and with the bible, only adultery was a reason to divorce, and I felt that he unfortunately had not crossed that line. Unfortunate because I felt miserable, rejected, shamed, heartbroken, hopeless, and dead emotionally. I wanted out. When I came back, he didn't seem too terribly excited about me being back. He refused to take ownership and change. Yet he was still his very caring self on the surface, which confused me and made me feel crazy. He only had sex with me twice, and then wouldn't have sex with me anymore. It's not that I wanted to have sex, it's just that I felt that it was my job to fulfill his needs. Then I reached a breaking point and really started to go off the deep end. I warned him about three or four months in advance that I would leave if he didn't change. He didn't, and even on the day I left he said I needed to change and alluded to what he had said a few months earler- that he did what he did because I wasn't satisfying him. I said "You do realize that pornography isn't real, right?" He said "The stories might not be real, but the sex is real." At that I left. About a week after I left he started changing and he wanted me back. I haven't seen him since and that was almost three months ago. He just emailed me about how much he loved and missed me and was praying for me. He's going to church now, and counseling, and an addiciton group. He seems to genuinely be changing. I've been really torn about whether what he did was biblically unfaithfulness or not. I feel really sorry for him, but I've been so devastated and through so much pain, I just want to be free from this. I've been happier and more at peace this last three months than I have in years. I feel alive again, truly. I'm 26 now, and I feel like I'm living life again. I dread the idea of going back and hope it's not what God wants for me. I know that only God can give me these answers, which I've been trying to be patient and wait for. I think it's good to get perspectives from others, though. Sorry this was so long, but that's my story.
Kim, you need to go here http://gospelthemes.com/asa.ht... to learn about "Adultery and Sexual Addiction" in Christian marriages. Read the article (which contains excerpts from the second volume of the author's most popular work), and learn from a solid Scriptural standpoint exactly what God says about sex, love, and marriage. It's all in the Bible, but we've all been blindsided by this awful world we live in... reject the world, embrace the WORD!

"The increasing frequency of couples requesting help with adultery and sexual addiction is a strong indication that sexual sin will be the number-one marriage problem facing twenty-first-century Christians. Fortunately, God provides a tested and tried three-part formula for overcoming both adultery and sexual addiction. Invariably, however, if Christians don't know how to deal with these devastating sexual sins, they do great harm to both the sinner and the mate." -- Patsy Ray Dawson

Read the website article above. The LORD God Almighty is good, praise HIM!
This is an interesting topic or question all the same. The act of sex involves the soul, mind and body. The bilble clearly defines our bodies as temples unto the Lord where His spirit dwells and operates.
When man joins with the woman they become one flesh and indeed one. Jesus Christ further clarified that looking lustfully at another woman besides your wife is equal to adultery.
Porn is defiling to our spirit and soul and it does defile the mind leading to serious addiction and destruction of the 'pure person' that the Lord created.
It is therefore a recipee of adultery and could very easily lead one into adultery (sin).
People of God we need to be clear, that when satan beguiled Eve in the garden of eden, he did not present himself as fatal but an alternative voice of reason to what is ours and which we have been rightfully denied by God.
The bible warns us to flee sin not to negotiate. Flee faster away from things which will very easily entangle you and destroy you.
Porn is dirty, deceptive. will bind your mind into addiction and destroy your soul. If not, why would it be so easy for poeple to get in and quite difficult to come out. Please keep it awayu like plague.

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