Finding a place for single pastors

Is it harder to get a job as a Christian pastor if you're single?

A recent New York Times article exploring this topic has created quite a response in the Christian community, with some saying that pastoral search committees should be marriage-minded and others saying just the opposite.

Is this a type of “singlism” coming to light or simply anecdotal evidence of a few pastoral job seekers having a tough time in a tight economy? No matter what side you come down on, there’s little doubt that the article raised some larger questions about how the Christian community sometimes views those who are unmarried.

The article centers on Amy Mark and Mark Almlie, ordained pastors in the Evangelical Covenant Church, who both said that as they interviewed for various pastor positions, their singleness was looked at as problematic. Almlie, who blogged that he has struggled with finding a job since he says he was downsized, went so far as to say that his difficulties may be caused by a “fear” of singleness.

As a single Christian myself, the claims made in the article spoke to the larger issue of singleness in the church. It’s an issue that I have wrestled with for most of the past 10 years. From family members asking me when I’m going to get married (as if I’m the only variable) to struggling with whether to adopt as a single parent, it’s not as easy to be as content or patient as the books claim.

But what is it like as a single Christian pastor? I asked one of my former pastors at Park Community Church in Chicago. Joe Riccardi, who is now the Lincoln Park Campus pastor, said singleness has not been an issue for him, perhaps because he and others he knows have ministered in large urban areas. Moreover, Riccardi said, because Park has a large ministerial staff, couples seeking counseling are ushered into a pre-marital curriculum run by the family pastor and then passed on to the family pastor or another couple.

But Riccardi said the article and the claims in it say something about the notion of singleness in many church communities - mainly that many people feel that there is something inherently wrong with being single.

“We have made marriage an idol in a lot of ways in the U.S.,” Riccardi said. “We don’t necessarily have a biblical viewpoint of (singleness). We feel as if the single person is missing something, not believing that Jesus Christ can really satisfy someone who is seeking him.”

The cultural expectations of marriage and family can and should be addressed in our churches, small groups and in our relationships with friends and family. A single Christian - whether they are a pastor or a member of the church - should be viewed as a whole person, not someone missing the other part of themselves.

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Comments (18)

That was troubling to me, as well, B. When I talked to Joe, he said he had no trepidation about counseling married couples. But I think that some couples wouldn't take counsel well from someone who wasn't married. It's a shame, but probably true.
Great piece!
Is it possible that churches are unsure of the protocol of an unmarried pastor dating? Would it be alright to date someone you minister to? Is that to similar to dating your counselor? What are the boundaries and guidelines?

I'm not discounting some churches my have an overall aversion to singleness, but the issue of dating came to mind immediately for me. Surely others would have the same concerns.
I never had given much thought as to whether married or single is preferable.

I guess each case(person) has his/her own merits and drawbacks.
I think that people prefer females to be single and males to be married. Old-timey notions
Seems to me that there are at least two ways of being single. There's "single but seeking a spouse" and "single as an expression of dedication of one's life to the Lord." St. Paul had positive things to say about the latter: it would seem that this positivity would spill over into one's attitude about pastors.
Thank you, Gina!
Chelseac, I think you are spot on in this comment. If you read the comments on the NYT piece, you will see that the same sentiment was expressed by many, with anecdotes about pastors counseling married couples and then having an affair with the wife, etc. Or single pastors dating through the single women in the church. I think the difficulty comes, though, when these issues aren't openly talked about. Is it OK to ask a pastoral candidate about his dating practices? Is it OK to say, hey, don't date within the congregation? I don't know.

My friend Joe (who I interviewed) also forwarded me a blog post from his friend, which I found enlightening...http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/t...
I agree with you, LeoW. However, is there a negativity to the former? These binaries are troubling.
It can depend on the situation. I've been in a church w/ a single pastor--and it was a sole pastorate, not part of a staff. It was somewhat isolated. This pastor really didn't have a sounding board or absolute confidant. With the demands of the pastorate being 24/7, this individual really had no person with which to share the burdens of job.
After 7 years, this pastor resigned from the position and is no longer clergy.

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