Forgetting to Tell the Truth in Love

I’m a fairly blunt person.  If I’m asked a question, I answer it.  For the most part, I just say what I’m thinking.

I’ve always thought this open book style fits the Christian lifestyle well.  It keeps me from lying.  If I hide things from other people, am I more abt to try to hide them from God?  (A ridiculous thought since God is all knowing.)  In a lot of ways, being open and honest is easier than being closed and untruthful.

But as I was reading my daily devotional awhile back, I realized the easiness of saying what you’re thinking can have unintended consequences.  Rev. Arthur J. Schoonveld wrote:

We were not always told that we should speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). As a result I’ve sometimes told the truth without any regard for how it might hurt the other person.

According to the apostle Paul, we are to say only “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” Before we speak, we need to ask ourselves: “Should I say what I am about to say? And is it the right time to say it? Will I be speaking the truth in love, and will it build the other person up?”

So where’s the line for us as Christians?  Obviously there are times where telling the truth is going to hurt someone no matter how nice you try to be in telling that truth.  But is that okay as long as our heart is in the right place?    In a culture where having strong opinions are rewarded with talk show or news analyst gigs, is telling the truth in love another way for us to distinguish ourselves as Christians?  Can you go to far to a point where nothing is ever fairly criticized for fear of being too mean?

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Comments (14)

I struggle with this a lot. How much is being honest and how much is crushing someone's spirit. A good portion of how this plays out is the way the recipient plays out to the constructive criticism.
Not to highjack the thread, but this challenged me as a Christian parent of a teen and a 'tween'. I have to tell the truth - they'll set me straight if I don't! :D - but how I tell it and that balance of too gentle and too hard is the question. For me it's easier to find that balance with those outside the family, but it seems harder within...as a parent I have to guide and train our children, but I also have to recognize that I have a responsibility to encourage and uplift as well. That's where I need the prayers!
There's a subtle but hugely significant difference between being honest about your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and ideas on the one hand and speaking the truth on the other. Some of the most destructive moments in relationships - especially marriages - occurs when we're "just being honest."

The truth is, we don't know the truth most of the time. Part of growing up involves coming to grips with what you don't know, what other people don't know, and what level of truth everyone is ready to deal with given their current state of self-delusion. 1 Cor 8 is the best source of wisdom for this dilemma.
I, too, am a fairly blunt person and have been know to "step on a few toes". I have to confess that sometimes it has been intentional but as I've grown older and matured, I've taken some advice from my wife and avoided those pitfalls. Her counsel has been, "Always speak the truth . . . but don't always speak." There are now times when I will refrain from commenting (or even answering a direct question) because I have determined that there is no good to come of it. I steadfastly refuse to lie but sometimes I just keep quiet.

As a manager, I learned that sugar-coating the truth is of no help to anyone. If someone is doing their job poorly, no one benefits from dancing around the issue but that doesn't mean that one has to be cruel in his truthfulness. We have a responsibility as Christians to be honest in forthright in every circumstance but we also must understand that we can't use that responsibility as weapon to simply hurt another for no reason.
God wants us to speak our mind. Because if our mind is set on God, His truth will always be spoken. Ugly, beautiful. Whatever. Gods nature is not always apparent, but his plan is always perfect.
That's a tough one, especially since, contrary to my online persona, I am not a blunt person. Sure, I can tell it like it is, as long as the person concerned is not in front of me. Telling the truth depends on us getting rid of our need to be liked.
Truth is definitely good, but it is not the only good. Jesus was a good model of this, I think, because while he spoke hard truths to people, he did so in a respectful way, and always out of love. I think that "being honest" is something you have to do calmly, when you are in control of your own emotions so your anger or need to be right or whatever doesn't get the best of you.

If you want to tell a difficult truth, and can't think of a way to do it tactfully, I think it bears asking yourself: what do I hope to accomplish by telling the truth? In some cases the truth is crucial, like when someone is entering into a destructive relationship or putting themselves in danger. But other times, being told the truth will hurt more than living without knowing the truth. In that case, I would say the truly Christian thing to do is to remain silent, and value that person's well-being above your own drive to speak openly.
Most of the time 'I tell it like it is' & that of course is not always how it really is--just how I see it! Because Jesus IS the Truth as well as the Way & the Life, Truth is really real & not just an abstract concept. I have found I can be much more 'blunt' when speaking to a group of people than speaking with one or two,maybe it is because I am seeing them as individuals loved by God rather than an audience.
Telling the truth is always a good thing. However, as you pointed out, we have to tell the truth in love. What exactly does this mean? To me, I think that if we tell the truth with care as to not hurt the individual, we may be able to do good instead of harm. We should always strive to EDIFY one another. When we tell the truth and make ourselves available in helping the other person with the situation, we are not only "speaking" but doing. As long as truth is wrapped up in love, forgiveness and edification we can grow as people and as Christians.
I would like to say that god hate a lier i would rather know good or bad or even if it hurts then to walk around not knowing the true as the world always claim that the truth will set you free i firmly believe that and i also beleive that if you know that person and pull them to the side by there self that they would appreciate the truth and a lot of times they will thank you. i know that god hate a lier and turn his face from one this kind of information brought to everyone attention is kindly appreciate in jesus name amen.

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