Is all this Christian sex talk a good idea?

God wants you to have better sex (within marriage, of course)! It's a message that is being trumpeted from more than one church pulpit—we've noted several examples of recent efforts by Christians to challenge the stereotype that Christianity is hostile to sex.

Over at Out of Ur, Brandon O'Brien offers a counterpoint to all of this sex talk. His concern is not that the message of these campaigns is wrong, but that talking about the issue might ultimately distract from the Gospel and convey an odd and undesirable message to non-Christians. From O'Brien's post:

Ironically, about the time secular commentators have begun to voice their concern that our culture is overstimulated, the Christian church says, “I’ve got an idea; let’s have more sex.” [...]

There’s a part of me that wonders whether nonbelievers will look on Christianity, from an outsider’s perspective, and say, “Well, if my options are ‘take up your cross and follow me’ or ‘have sex every day,’ I’ll take option two, please.” What you win them with is what you win them to, or so they say.

I’m curious to hear what you think. Is this "tell 'em what they want to hear"? Or are we finally beginning to understand God’s design for sex in marriage? Does an emphasis on sexual fulfillment (or financial security, or anger management, or …) distract from the gospel? Or is satisfaction of all sorts an element of the gospel message of restoration?

He's asking for reader input, so head on over and share your thoughts (or comment below).

As for myself... some of these "Christians can have satisfying sex too!" campaigns strike me as clunky, but I can't really see how they'd be a distraction from the Gospel message. It's not like churches are preaching the wonders of marital sex instead of the Gospel. And a little over-exuberance on the subject now is understandable, given the church's history of awkwardness when discussing the place of sex in the Christian life. But what do you think? When you read about these church campaigns, do you rejoice that Christians are finally discussing this openly—or do you wince and wish they'd go back to preaching the Gospel?

And if you're not a Christian, I'd love to hear your thoughts about these "good Christian sex" books and campaigns.

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Comments (14)

I'm glad that we as Christians can finally speak openly about this subject. Personally, I dont see how it distracts from the gospel, but everyone has their own point of view.
Great post. My quick thoughts are:
1. It's not unusual for the pendulum to swing from on end to the other. That we are going from "never talk about sex" to "always talk about sex" is not surprising.
2. Some of it is clunky. Great word
3. I think the church needs to do a better job of showing beautiful examples of what it means to have a healthy Christian sex life. We usually try scare tactics when it comes to teen sex education instead of doing the model God lays out in the Bible, which is drawing people toward him with kindness. Over and over, regardless of the subject Christ, draws people out with love. I have written about this a few times and it's a complicated subject.
My thoughts are that this is great, because it's just better to be honest and open about such a huge part of the human experience, which God created for us, that pictures the joy of the church as the Bride of Christ (epistles of the New Testament), and in the Song of Songs (Old Testament) .
I was raised in the evangelical, fundamentalist church and this kind of "Maximum sex within marriage" message is perennial and sort of odd. There is part of me that almost sees this as a male hierarchy fantasy. Is the daily sex dictum now being trumpeted the new Christian standard that every wife must assent to? I know that most everyone inside the church will say, it's about time that we redeemed sex as a healthy part of marriage...and OF COURSE, I agree with that. But the emphasis seems kooky to those outside the church, faintly reminiscent of the FLDS. And despite protestations to the contrary, all this attention on sex demeans singleness and makes singles feel odd. I know because for the last 8 years I have been one. The more it is emphasized, the more I feel like I am REALLY missing out big time. They get to eat chocolate cake now every day and I get none. It feels weird enough, just to be inside, dare I say it, a Christian marriage cult with thousands of books, websites, and sermons focussed on marriage and child raising. It's now an industry. We need balance. After all, Jesus was single and talked very little about marriage. Paul was single and urged his readers to consider this state as were many of his co-workers. In fact, this morning in my daily devotions I was reading Luke 14 where Jesus says:
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."

In a nuclear family-obsessed church Jesus message is aimed at restoring balance and perspective, making sure we have our priorities right. Of course I am with Christiane, I love the Song of Solomon. My point is simply balance, perspective and common sense.
Rick, you made a great point about singles feeling left out - I hadn't even thought about that.
I think it's admirable. Yes, maybe the sensationalism could be toned down, but these churches are probably trying to reach either non-believers who think Christians hate sex or people who were raised in church and left because they didn't see where Christianity touched their reality. I know fifteen years ago, I would have found this refreshing because I was in that same place.
Sex is over-sold in this world and we need to speak the truth instead of holding our tongues. Why shouldn't we speak about it? Is the idea that if we keep quiet about sex, maybe they'll forget about it? Of course not. We need to be the ones saying that sex is a great gift that God has given us in the right context (marriage), and that outside of that context, sex is quicksand. But that ultimately, sex isn't the point of marriage: unity is. That means much more than physical unity, but physical unity without emotional and spiritual unity is dangerous.
I'm sorry that singles feel left out of the discussion, but they should understand that it's an important topic to a large percentage of our churches. There are always going to be discussions that I can't relate to, but that I know need to be addressed. There needs to be balance, but there hasn't been for many years. We've focused on parenting and "family", but sex has been taboo inside the church. Wouldn't you rather have a counterpoint to what the world is feeding you and other singles? The world tells us that life is all about sex, so you singles who abstain are silly. Wouldn't you rather your peers hear good, valid, biblical reasons why they should abstain? Don't you sometimes need a reminder? I think I would.
I wasn't raised as a Christian and started seeking God in my teens and I am glad to see that it is being talked about more openly. I always felt like it was almost looked at as something to be ashamed of, when really it is something that when in the right context is glorifying to God...
Sex is overemphasized as can be in this culture... and as a single Christian I have a very hard time with it. That the church should get so into it, well, it may be a good way of reaching some people in a way that makes sense to them, but for us who are outside of that honky-dory marriage bond but within the body of Christ, it's hard to feel ministered to.
I think for me personally as a single Christian... it depends on in the context of when sex is mentioned in the pulpit. If you are speaking at a marriage symposium or retreat... something of that nature. Then I am all for it. But as a single I would rather not hear about all the fun you are having or that I WILL have if and when I ever get married. I don't think its something that I should have to stomach on Sunday when I come to learn about the Gospel, nor do I feel that it is something that will help me to become a more mature Christian so I do not see the point of it in that context. At the end of the day it is all about Jesus. And Jesus was never married nor did he ever have sex.
For many of us who grew up going to church, our exposure to sex was twofold: First, what the world told us about sex: it's fun, it's what life is about, do as often and with as many people as possible. Second, what church told us about sex - is dangerous, don't do it before your married, don't fall into temptation, don't don't don't don't - so many don'ts. When the church talks about sex 90% of it is what not to do. And we wonder why we have a problem? I not only think it is great to talk about sex in church, but it is necessary. Sex is a vital part of marriage. The connection that it brings between a man and a woman is far deeper than we even know. As far as this topic 'distracting from the gospel', I think that certainly anything that is idolized by the human heart has the potential for this, including things like worship songs or even social work. But seen as a part of the whole, It is not only good, but essential. IMHO, church is not just about the gospel. It's about how we live now because of the gospel. We have been rescued by God, and empowered to change into men and women of Godly characters - how then shall we live? I am a pastor, and I think that Proclaiming the good news is vital, but teaching how we should live in light of this gospel - Becoming disciples of Jesus and learning how to live as the people of God - this is just as vital. And learning how to love our husbands and our wives through the deepest method of connection, is part of learning to live in light of the Gospel. According to Paul, Sex with one's spouse is not an option - to withhold your body from your spouse is to take something that is rightfully theirs. (1 Cor 7:3-5)
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that sex is vital in a marriage but I have a hard time hearing so much about something that I cannot technically have since I'm not married. It's disappointing to say the very least. I totally agree that sex is a great thing in the right context, but constantly hearing about it is like waving a cookie in a toddler's face and saying "Doesn't this cookie look yummy? Well you can't have it and I can. Ha ha ha ha!"
Maybe I am taking the wrong stance here but it is incredibly frustrating. Save it for a married couples retreat or something.

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