Oh, If Only…

LarkNews.com is Christian satire at its best. Here's an excerpt from Denominations reach non-compete agreement:
ATLANTA — Hoping to reverse on-going membership losses, several denominations have entered into a non-compete agreement that carves up certain U.S. cities into exclusive evangelism areas. "We all need breathing room to build our congregations back up," says a Southern Baptist Convention representative who was at the negotiations. "Instead of competing head to head now we can plow our own fields." The controversial agreement, which has received little publicity, establishes boundaries for proselytizing, direct-mailing, church planting and small group formation in the cities of Atlanta and St. Louis, which are being used as test cases. The Assemblies of God was granted the southwest side of Atlanta while the Southern Baptists took most of the eastern part. St. Louis was divided evenly, east and west. "This takes the muddle out of evangelism efforts and makes it clear who should work where," says one pastor. "I think it’s a great idea."
Read more over at Larknews.com.

As a sort of segue back into reality: what would a city look like if churches were this strategic in their ministries?

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Comments (9)

I saw this a few days ago somewhere. It is always funny how many people do not get the fact that this is satire.
I liked "McCain chooses 12 year old Christian girl for Secretary of State" the best.
I really am worried about what unbelievers would think of this 'agreement' to carve out territories by denominations that are supposed (in principle) to be preaching the same gospel. If our desire is for souls to be won, then it should not matter which denomination has the larger membership. Or am I missing something here?
Laugh at the humor, but cry at the epic punt of those who claim to follow the Christ on the Eph4:5 concept of "One Lord, one faith, one baptism".
Truly, no one arms the scoffers like the church.
@Adam S-reading this from my feeder at work, let me tell you that I missed the satire completely. Guess that's a telling indicator of my experiences, yes?
Many Christian denominations did exactly that in fields of mission work, particularly Indian reservations. Vine Deloria commented sarcastically on the willingness of each denomination to consign the residents of certain reservations to what -- by the various church's own doctrine as to each other -- meant everlasting damnation in hell, in order to get an administrative monopoly on the souls of their own designated reservations. This was sometimes done in overseas fields such as China and Africa as well. I don't believe in hell, and I'm not receptive to being evangelized, so it doesn't worry me.
Back in the day when you were drafted into the military, you sometimes were choosen at random to be a part of one organization opposed to another. You would count out a number then because of that number you would be put into the Army, Navy etc. So are we now picking numbers so we will know which church to go to on Sunday? Somebody has to much time on their little hands. In God's Grace John
"What would a city look like if churches were this strategic in their ministries?" My answer in a word: bad.

The beauty of church overlap is the opportunity to adopt a kingdom mindset. Fact is two churches in one neighborhood of 10,000 who are together gathering 500 people each week are still leaving monstrous gaps of unchurched people.

I love lark news and think this snippet is hilarious. Primarily hilarious because the thinking behind it is so absurd, insecure, competitive and utterly... believable.
"What would a city look like if churches were this strategic in their ministries?"

In a word: terrible. I'm not a proponent of "sheep stealing", but if a Lutheran firmly believes that the Lutheran understanding of Christian doctrine is TRUE, should he not then tell his Baptist friend when he is in error? Should the Baptist not also do the same? Denominations aren't territorial entitities--they demonstrate the Christian love of and desire for Truth.

Would that we could be united under one banner, one authority, one understanding, but so long as we are not, it is right and proper that we should seek Christ, who is the Word (and "[the Father's] Word is Truth"), and therefore affiliate ourselves with a denomination as best we can discern.

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