Sex and Middle School Ministry

Our friend Kent Shaffer over at churchrelevence.com recently posted some stats from The University of Texas Health Science Center about middle school age kids and sex.

1/3 of students experienced sexual touching 12% of students experienced sex by age 12 7.9% of students experienced oral sex by age 12 6.5% of students experienced non traditional sex by age 12 4% of students experienced all three types of sex by age 12

While the numbers aren’t huge, they’re probably higher than many of us want to think.  And it’s a concern especially when you take a look at how impressionable that age group can be.  A Barna Group study, which dates back to 2006, found that age 12 is a big decision point.  Researchers say this is a time when kids are making choices on morals, beliefs, relationships and life goals.  Another Barna survey concluded:

What you believe at age 13 is pretty much what you’re going to die believing.

It’s also a tough age to talk about sex because some middles schools are thinking about it and others aren’t.

Shaffer put it this way:

It takes tact, grace, and wisdom to discuss these things with students without offending or embarrassing them or their parents. It is challenging but worth it. It is much easier for a middle school minister to teach a preventive message than it is for a high school minister to rewire students’ established bad habits.

With the importance of reaching this impressionable age group it makes me wonder what our churches are doing for middle school ministry.  Many of us focus a lot on high school groups, but should we be focusing more on the middle schoolers too?  Do we spend too much time on games and not enough time on the issues?  I think this is the age where they’re not only making moral choices but are likely to make a decision for, or against, Christ as well.

What do you think?  When does your church have the sex talk?  How does your church handle middle schoolers?  What more can we do?

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Comments (15)

I'm not sure researchers ever realize this, but when I would have to participate in studies that asked these kinds of questions in Jr. and Sr. high school we wouldn't always answer truthfully. As I recall, some of the time we tried to create a persona on a survey that was as awful as possible. Yes I use drugs. Yes I have sex. Yes I steal. And so forth.

That said, the numbers are actually lower than I might have expected.
I am a Bangladeshi. I have travelled Europe and my experiences are:
. The more you have money, your morality decreases, the less you have money you have strong morality.

. Mother is the most closest personality of any children. A child watches minutely the mother and follows her later in their life. If a mother possess a strong moral personality, her child cannot drown in thr weeds of sexuality. Does how many mother have any moral teachings in her life? Catholicism is conservative but protects you from lot many odd situation.

. The social worker have good chance to think about what money has brought to them comparing the poor (in monetary vision) why they are rich in morality?

Simplicity is the best medicine in life. Poor's are poor in wealth but rich's are poorest in morality.

Thank you, if any body wishes to discuss, do contact me at romeomcfield27@gmail.com

Romeo
I think the best thing the church can do is make middle school kids feel loved, wanted and included in the community. I'd have to look it up again to be sure, but i think those statistics show that kids who are involved in communities and who have good relationships with parents and mentors tend to be the ones who delay sex. So I think our churches have a responsibility to genuinely care about adolescents, those born into the church and others we might have relationships with, and to let them know they are cared for. I think that is more important than any sex talk, and the stats seem to support that position too.
Statistics are slippery business, the same evidence often used as evidence in opposing positions.
That being said, the conclusion that churches are not doing enough to educate teens on "the issues" is correct. There seems to be a lacunae in church teaching in this area, especially in churches with direct ties to Christian education. It seems that the schools and the churches and the parents each assume that the others are having these types of discussions.
As a new youth pastor, I am deliberately trying to steer away from ministry as entertainment to a model of ministry as engagement as a way to bridge the gaps.
I'm not involved in what the church does, but and here it is again. I was a part of the 4% at the age of 12, but through trials and tribulations and long talks with others about those moral issues I came out of it. That feeling of belonging to something (a gang) was upmost in my mind for various reasons like food, shelter and safety. The sexual part was also there and it was not shunned upon, but I did feel a since of shame and tried not to allow myself to be where it occurred. Now that was me, and there were others like me, who for what ever reason, did not want to show others what we did or had done. I truely believe that those tweens need to be told about what is expected of them morally and emotionally. There needs to be someone by example show those young people that it is okay to wait and okay to ask questions, but not to act on impulses they have. Otherwise they will follow what their friends are doing and not think to much about the consequences of it. In God's Grace John
i agree with bethany that the best way is to make the kids feel loved, wanted and included in the community. and also with john, we as adults must set an example. but let me add...we must set an example of being people overwhelmed by God's grace in Jesus and to show them that we are who we are only because of what God had done and who He is. that the reason why we love and want them to be part of the covenant community is Jesus loving person and work in us. nothing else. all the things we teach and strive to live by is constrained in us by the Holy Spirit reminding us of God's love. another thing also, i suggest we try to make aware of the realities of life. and to discuss these issues in the light of God's Word and their own experiences.

in this regard, i would like to ask for suggestions on materials that teachers and youth leaders can use to facilitate such learning?

thanks

I have to admit that as I read more and more about youth ministry, I'm drawn more and more to the non-segregationist church structure. Church as a holistic and integrated affair, where young and old, men and women, come together to worship God together, seems to be closer to the Biblical norm than herding people off to their own kind (or, as one unmarried woman put it, "being taken away to the singles ghetto"). Looking at my own church, where the college group isn't particularly strong, we see kids being catered to, junior high kids being catered to, and high school kids being catered to... when they reach college, they ask, "Where's my group? What's in this for me?" Finding nothing, they leave.

I'm beginning to wonder if middle/high school ministry is just an extension of the consumerism that is plaguing the American church today. While I'm sure there is evidence of the approach "working" — I'm sure some successful high school ministry graduates will comment on this post! — I'm not so sure that the general approach is a healthy one.

Sex is just one area in which this seems to be the case. Look at some of the comments already being made here:

"The best thing the church can do is make middle school kids feel loved, wanted and included in the community." Is the best way to do that to shuttle the kids off to their own thing "so mommy and daddy can worship"? Or is it to integrate them TIGHTLY with the community at large?

"It seems that the schools and the churches and the parents each assume that the others are having these types of discussions." Again, this seems a result of parents dumping their children into the middle school ghetto and hoping that Jesus stuff sinks in. If ministry didn't separate us, but rather integrated us, would it even be possible for those people to "assume that the others are having these types of discussions"?

The more I read about this Family-Integrated Church (FIC) idea, the more it seems to make sense to me.

The National Center for FICs
A defense of FIC
An example of an FIC
I agree with your position, pcg. I think you're right that suggesting people of God of different ages (or family types) have more to gain from each other than they do from being separated. And treating teens as regular people is a good way to make them feel like grown-up valuable people.
See also some of the things coming out of Calvin Institute of Christian Worship on Intergenerational Worship (disclosure: some of this work is written by my parents).
I have to disagree with anyone that says the church needs to do more. The responsibility to raise our children was never given to the "church" that has always and ever been the parents job. (Yes, community helps - but the buck stops at Mom and/or Dad) The idea and practice of youth ministry has probably done more harm than good as it gives the impression to many parents their responsibilty to instill the morals and Godly principles in their children is being handled by the youth pastor (who most of the time has no children of their own) the youth ministry does have a place to help create community and relationships with other teens and a place for those without saved parents, but if the church needs to do any more it's in giving all the parents a kick in the butt and holding them accountable for the behavior and morals of their children. Now if the parents need help/training then they can seek it from the elders of their church "who run a healthy household". Again saying the church needs to "do" more is just a cop out for those who have failed to understand or accept their own responsibility. God bless you and give you wisdom.
Most people that become Christians do so before adulthood. And because children do not have Christian parents, or parents that take an active role in parenting does not mean that we should just let them flounder when a good teaching program could make a difference.

I don't think that an active youth ministry means that we should not have a program to teach parents how to be better parents, or to "kick them in the butt" if they aren't doing it. In fact that is what I would consider a necessary part of youth ministry.
yes i too agree with pcg. to relate what bethany said earlier, i think the best way for them to feel part of the community is to integrate them into all aspects of church life, be it the worship service, community work and evangelism. and i do agree that trying to break down the church into segments without the balance of corporate worship and service is unhealthy in the long run, and breeds selfishness. but i think leaders also need to address certain issues that are relevant to a particular age group (i.e. teens with regards to peer pressure and drugs, young adults with regards to vocation, middle aged with regards to mid life crisis etc.) but having this focused ministries does not mean that they are being dumped into a demographic ghetto in the church. the Lord Jesus intergrates us TIGHTLY in His church not by herding us off but looking for each and every one us (leaving the 99) and calling us by name. as followers of our shepherd, shouldn't we at least model this kind of searching affection in the church?

blessed day to all!

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