Can you talk honestly to your pastor?

Andy Rau

August 2, 2008

Wow. I thought this would be a hot topic. Are we afraid to speak up? I think it is pretty natural for people to either put on a 'Happy Face', or to clean up their act, around a Pastor. I think my pastor may be one of those around whom people feel more free to be themselves and be real, partly because his own flaws make it easier for us to be flawed around him. That can be frustrating at times, but I think it's better than having a pastor who appears "perfect" and makes others feel like they should be, too.

August 2, 2008

I am really worried about my grandson. He is serving in the Army reserves and just got a pentagram tattoed on his arm and has told his mother, my daughter, that he belongs to the wiccan religion. I would love to be able to talk to my pastor about this, but we belong to a small congregation and my pastor's wife is a bit of a gossip. I am a pretty open person, so this is very hard for me not to be able to talk to him. What do I do? Sandra

August 2, 2008

Personally I think it's sad that we have concentrated all the authority of offices of the local church into one office, the Pastor. A term that is used once in the New Testament. I think it's a hangover from the middle ages when a Priest would represent the congregation to God, consecrate the host and provide all the intermediary spiritual duties. Paul and Timothy were careful to appoint several elders and several deacons for each local church. Preaching, exhortation and prophetic responsibilities were spread among several people. While many Pastors have performed wonderfully and are legendary, in general, I think it's too much pressure to thrust all the authority, pastoral duties and preaching responsibilities upon one man. It's unhealthy both for the "Pastor", leading to burnout, and the congregation, who become Sunday pew sitters, or the laity. The pressure to be brilliant every Sunday, delivering fresh revelation and insiteful therapeutic lectures must be crushing. Of course we would fear to talk honestly to the the priestly Pastor just as the israelites feared Moses. My heart goes out to this former Pastor. Perhaps he was called to the Eldership office but lacked a team of co-laborers to share the responsibilities.

August 2, 2008

My dad is a pastor, and it appears that people are able to speak very honestly with him. He often speaks of sometimes "not wanting to know" anymore - it's hard for him when he knows the ins and outs of every person's life in our small church. There is a lot for a pastor to keep under wraps, and a lot to take in and still think objectively about. I can't imagine what it would be like for a priest whose vocation it was to listen to his congregration's confessions.

I find it very easy to talk to my pastor, lol.

Christiane Li
August 2, 2008

Sandra, I will be praying for you & your daughter & grandson. I think you should share this anyway, because you, and your family, may not be the only ones going through this - wicca is pervasive in today's culture. You said you belong to a small congregation, but are you also in a small town? If you can, set up an appointment with the pastor of a larger, or even different, church. Some churches have free counseling, and if one of these churches is in your area, don't hesitate to take advantage of the confidential help available there. If you have other grandchildren, a wide-open door has been provided for you to discuss the things of Christ vs. false religions with them. Go to the library or bookstore - there are several good resources in the Christian section of Books A Million, for example - and the web to find out more about wicca so that you can have confidence when you speak to others about what is going on. Remember that, as much as you love your grandson, the Lord Jesus loves him even more, and pray, because your grandson can argue with you, ignore you, dismiss his upbringing - but he's defenseless against your prayers. God bless you my sister, I hope this helps.

August 2, 2008

I am sorry to hear this. I will pray for you and your grandson.
With that said, I urge you to share this with people in your congregation so they can pray too. I think you will find strength in the people of God. You can share with your pastor as well, as he might have good and comforting insight, but I've also found that God often uses the people I wouldn't expect.
Either way, if you bring this before the Body, you will not have to worry about gossip.

August 3, 2008


August 3, 2008

Andrew, Thank You for your suggestion, I had never thought of it that way.

August 3, 2008

Christiane Li, Thank you so much for your comments, I do live in a small
town and people are somewhat judgmental here. You offer some good
suggestions and I didn't realize wicca was pervasive in today's society. I
checked wicca out on the internet and I found out some information, but I
believe I need to do some more investigating. Thank You for your
suggestions. Pebbles

August 4, 2008

I know I can be completely honest around my pastor, and I am. I'm also in the process of becoming a pastor, so it's great to know this ahead of time so I can talk about it and watch for it.

August 9, 2008

As a former pastor I am heartened to see the comments of those who do believe they can be honest with their pastor. My experience has been similar to the reflections by a former pastor. I have found that people in general seem more willing to be open and honest with me now than they did when I was a pastor. When I was a pastor, I could sense pretty well when people were "putting on airs" so to speak. It was amusing most of the time, but it was also frustrating at other times, especially when those people happened to be board members or deacons who would not be honest with me. It tending to create a lot of tension.

Blessings to you all,

December 31, 2008

honestLy i Like to be honest to someone i trust..

Doyoureallywanna Know
February 3, 2009

The harsh truth is that they simply do not care. Pastors get burned out and hardened of heart from hearing eveyone else's issue. They stonewall, avoid do anything but care about anyone's personal struggles. I'm not talking about the needy person who calls evey week but people with real and serious issues. In all the years of attending church I have never ever met such a shephard. They seem to be "prima donnas" and sometimes they are simply puppets on a string all for show. I never expected anyone to be a therapy buddy but when my dad attempted to get help for his addiction to alcohol no one had the time. When faced with a broken marriage,, no one had the time. When seeking answers to deep spiritual questions no one had the time. When a close friend passed away no one had the time. When I was raped no one had the time. When all I wanted to know was truth no one had the time.

April 26, 2011

how can you tell your pastor your struggles trying to build your faith...i put out my story i've sins in a letter but im having secound debts about giving it to my pastor :(.

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