Discussing
Christian Singles and Sexuality

Steven Koster

Bethanykj
June 29, 2009

I think what you're hitting on is a huge problem. I have never heard anybody talk about single sexuality besides saying unhelpful things like sex is great, don't do it. I don't even really like the term celibacy because it has such a sense of permanence to it, when for many of us, sexuality has seasons. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I would like to see someone radically rethink the way we approach sexuality from many angles, including singleness. And maybe we should start by questioning the assertion that the call to celibacy is so clear after all.

Rick
June 29, 2009

With the divorce rate of 41-50%, depending on who you believe, the reality is that there are going to be a lot of single divorced adults in any church. Yet, these people tend to be relatively invisible. These people are injured, their social ability has been compromised and some married people want to ignore that they are there (or don’t know how to relate to them) for fear it is catching. Often times the woman partner in a marriage has been the social organizer, arranging dinners and events. After divorce many men drift, not knowing who or how to connect. After being intimate with someone for 20 years and suddenly finding yourself alone, it feels unnatural. I struggle with this almost every day. One of my best friends, a strong faithful Christian guy, former Christian college professor and recently divorced who has known the Lord for 30 years told me that if the situation presented it self, he fears he would go to bed with an interested woman. Few people consciously choose celibacy (though some do and I salute them). The sociology of how men and women fare in divorce is fascinating. But the reality is that our pews are full of single adults. Or adults that have for whatever reason never married. One of my best woman friends is 51, unmarried and really hoping to be married one day. Most pastors imagine that everyone is like them, married, and regale the congregation with marriage anecdotes and family teaching. They need to deal with reality. After all, Jesus, was single. Paul, author of most of the New Testament was single. I completely agree with Bethany.

Elizabeth
June 29, 2009

Take seriously that it is difficult being a christian single in a sexually charged culture. A lot of messages targeted at single christian women feel really patronizing because they make it sound like it is only the guys that really struggle with sexual issues and that once we make a decision to be pure it will be easy. Lots of women struggle seriously in a variety of different ways.

Cindy
June 29, 2009

I think that sexuality is a normal part of being human. The real task, as a Christian, is acknowledging one has those desires. As Chamen said, redirecting those desires by doing things that are pleasing to the Lord will help us to grow in our faith and become stronger in overcoming temptations. Even married persons have issues in their lives where they are not living out their sexuality with their God joined partner. In such cases, resisting temptation and instead doing things God's way---by putting down the flesh, is what will satisfy in the long run, and not lead to guilt, conviction, condemnation. We must be careful though in thinking that a piece of paper (marriage license) will allow us to lawfully (in God's eyes) to have sexual relationships. God's Word teaches that those who are divorced from an original spouse are not to have relations with others besides their spouse. They are to remain "unmarried" or be reconciled with the one God joined them to, otherwise they commit adultery if they "join" with another. Blessings..........

Shari
June 29, 2009

Thanks for being sensitive this issue. I think the biggest thing is to accept and celebrate singleness as a viable Christian lifestyle and not just as a condition to sympathize about. I personally hate the term "gift of singleness". I think the gift that God gives to single people is the gift of self control. Also, I don't think sexuality is a topic for a sunday morning sermon. We are bombared with sexual references all week long, it's not necessary to hear about it on a Sunday morning as well. Keep it as a topic for small groups or as a seminar subject.

As Christians I think we need to think and formulate a biblical view of sexuality that allows us to talk about it in and free and open way (in the appropriate contexts and venues. ) I think that churches can best minister to me by treating me as a person and not focusing on my marital status. Also, if people do come for counselling and as a pastor it's hard to understand the issues then try pairing them up with other older single people in a mentoring type program. Often an older single has figured out a lot of the issues and has a lot to give in terms of support and advice.

Kaitlyn
June 29, 2009

I am SO GLAD you asked this question.

As a single Christian woman, I've watched/listened to many a service on resisting sexual sin. Without fail, I'm told that it's a matter of depending on/relating to/speaking to/understanding my spouse. That marriage is a protection from sin.

That's all well and good, but I'm not married and I'm tired of being ignored.

I'm a woman, I'm a Christian, and I struggle with lust. Telling me to depend on my husband is a pitiful response to a growing issue in the church.

Ask me how I'm struggling. Stop ignoring the temptation of masturbation. Treat me like a woman, not a child who doesn't understand. Give me real advice that is applicable to a SINGLE person.

And for the love of all that is holy don't stand on a stage and say "Sex is WONDERFUL. But only in the context of marriage, so singles don't do it!"

The things I think about the pastors saying that are very unbecoming of a Christian.

Also, I wrote a bit about this here: http://upturnedbarbie.blogspot...

Mrben
June 30, 2009

One big problem is that the church is struggling to cope with the 2 main "types" of singles - those that are single but clearly unhappy with being single, and those that are single and are happy with it.

I've been interested to hear how Mars Hill in Seattle encourage their young singles (of both types) to "embrace" their singleness, and recognise that they have more time and money at that time in their life, and to focus their resources into ministry, rather than purely "selfish" pursuits. They also encourage singles of the first type to spend time with couples, learning about the realities of marriage and parenthood, rather than relying on the false images in the secular media.

Bethanykj
June 30, 2009

I know this isn't even your main point, but it reminded me of something else I should bring up: I am pretty tired of hearing that single people have so much more time and money. Maybe more than people with children, but childless married people, I think, have more flexibility with time and money because they share these responsibilities. We need to stop imagining single people as being so free and available. In many ways being single is a lot more stressful. If I can't keep my job or get another one that also has health insurance, I don't have a backup. If I don't do the shopping, cooking, laundry, I'll be hungry and dirty.

Elizabeth
June 30, 2009

that Pastor Brown movie they just screened in miami is dealing with issues of sexuality -a pastor's daughter turned exotic dancer. Difficult subject in general, but why must sexuality and christianity be mutually exclusive?

Mrben
July 1, 2009

I see what you're saying, but logically my statement is true. Leaving out for the moment the "not single, but not married" group, married people have to dedicate a portion of their time each week to each other for the relationship to succeed. Plus there are twice as many relatives to connect with.
Financially, married people, for the most part, do not share accommodation with others, and usually look to buy rather than rent anyway. (I realise that this is a generalisation). I believe statistically single people do have more disposable income, plus they do not have to seek the agreement/approval of their partner before spending money. Money is one of the key things that married couples fight over.

I'm not saying that being single is easy, nor that all singles are magically rich and have hours of spare time. What I am saying is that the statistics point towards single people having more time and money, on average, than married people. And, as someone who has been single, married without children, and now married with children, I agree with the stats.

Againali
July 1, 2009

I have a question for you concerning this. My first husband and I were married by a rabbi in a catering hall (he was Jewish, I was Catholic). There was a priest there to say a prayer, but he did not officiate the wedding. Nine years and two children later, my husband left me for another woman. I was 33 at the time. I am now remarried, have gained two stepchildren, and both my husband and I were baptized Christian last year. We pray together, go to bible study every week, attend church every Sunday, and do volunteer work for the church all the time (my husband is a painter, so use your imagination. I mostly stick to hospitality and mailings, although I did mow the church lawn last Saturday). Most importantly, we are both caring people who like to minister to those in need, especially spiritually. Our marriage is a wonderful partnership full of love, responsibility, fun, and best of all, fantastic sex.

So my question to you is this...am I committing adultery? I know I'm not perfect, I accept that I am a sinner and that I will continue to make mistakes...but I didn't think adultery was one of them.

Bethanykj
July 1, 2009

I think dating takes quite a few resources as well, and single people also have relationships that require maintainence, though those may be primarily within the church.

Maybe the real answer is that singles, like married people, are not monolithic. There are a wide variety of gifts and callings among God's people, period. Though singles may have fewer demands on their time and money on average, that becomes meaningless when you start to compare individuals. Though supporting a family is a vocation for some, both married and single people have other callings that are demanding as well.

Cindy
July 1, 2009

Lisa,

I would really encourage you to click on my name and visit the link. I personally have come to believe through MUCH study of God's Word that He joins ALL original marriages----of unbelievers and believers----for life. Any relationship entered into before the death of a spouse Jesus and Paul both taught is an adulterous relationship---not a valid marriage. Man, and many in the church today have ignored God's Words to the contrary and now say such unions are "blessed" of God----without any biblical merit. Also, on this issue: having a 'religious' person officiate a "marriage" does not legitimize the marriage one way or the other. That is a Roman Catholic teaching, but can nowhere be found in scripture. We can chose who to marry, and if that person is free to marry, then it is GOD who joins the two into ONE flesh. Blessings............

Tom Dalzell
July 1, 2009

Sorry about my last entry, I had several people come to the door at the same time. What i am saying about sexuality is this, to tell anyone what the ultimate expectation of the scripture is regarding sexuality and sexual conduct, when they are unable or to inmature to bear it, then you are doing them a disservice. The truth and acceptance ought to be the formula to guide some one about sex and their bodies. hope in the Lord that He will gie your guidance to such a one that they may desire to act according to the best principles of our Christian faith, but to ignore the fact that not all are wkilling or able is not of the Gosple. We need to tell people what is right and allow that they will need patience and longsufering untill they are able to bear the earthly sacrifices that we need to make. Willingly with hope. But we fail and fall, but need to know God loves us always, not according to our good works but in errors as well. It is all to often sweeped under a rug that Christians masterbate and have sexual desires that the church ignores and this leaves them without a place to lean on when most needed. Echa person is different and is at a level of maturity in life and spirit that requires each to be guided differently, but the objective is the same for all. A gay person is under the same judgement as an unmarried person.
Untill Grace abounds in all of a persons life then the proper sexual behaiour will not be present in them.
As our bodies adapt to the chemical needs placed on it and the knowledge and willingness to please God is present a realistic view of sexuallity should be made clear and the expexted objective made clear.
Even then good men fall, love covers a mutitude of sin.
loving patient, longsuffering fruits of the spirit are required to address sex in todays Church.

Razzlegtd
July 2, 2009

I am replying to the lady who explained that she is in her second marriage. Her and her spouse work at their church and have a healthy spiritual, family, and sex life. Her question is, Is she committing adultry in this new marriage? The way the question is stated in her post can also mean to ask, Is she living in sin?
We often expect nice "fast food " answers to complicated questions. The reality is we need to spend time and energy seeking the truth of these complicated issues. If we don't, we weaken our church.
Here is my answer for you, but I hope you will question all that I say and learn your truth,"with fear and trembling".
In the Gosples, Jesus responded to a persons injurery with the statement that if you leave a spouse for anything other than adultery then you are commiting adultery yourself. His answer didn't leave too much to the emaginatoin. He used the example of Moses allowing a certificate of deviorce due to the hardness of their hearts. Then He alluded ack to God's original purpose for marriage."In the begining it wasn't so..."
What is He telling us.
He is telling us in these verses that we are becoming so complancent in our view of sin that we have lost the conciction of sin in our lives. When we get tolerent of sin then there is nothing to repent of and no need for God. Jesus is telling us to look at ourselves through God's eyes and see ourselves as we really are."Do not think of ourselves more than we ought"
The institution of marriage as meant by our God sought be viewed as He meant it to be, not to be taken lightly. Marriage is a form of our life with Him, it takes commitment, not love to ensure that it survives. Love is a condition of the will not the emtion, if you are unwilling to love then you won't. Being willing to love comes from commitment.
Another way to answer this question is to ask, what is sin?
We also need to determine if God's grace is going to be on your new marriage? Do you have His blessing if you are living in "sin".
Yes you are a sinner and yes you are living in sin but are not of sin. You live by faith, not the law. God does and is blessing your new relationship and He expects you to live it according to the best possible blessing that He promises to you.`Go and sin no more``.
Too recognize that there was sin in your previous choises doesn`t mean you are living under condemnation.
As Christians we recognize that there is an ultimate goal of personal behaviour that we seek to obtain too. This style of live that we obtain to, ought not to interfer with our relationship with God. Our daily wlak sould not be about `don`ts``, but it should be about the spirits presece to `do``.
If there is too much guilt about what you are doing then you need to examine yourself, but the utimate goal is that the fruit of the spirit rains in you.One other point. As we mature in the spirit in knowledge and experiance, the spirit within us reveals sins of our past. Long forgoten event that were of no effect that the time. Why is this. Sin is sin, we need to realize how distant we are from the true persons we were meant to be and if we always hide or justify our evils then we are unable to do this. Call it for what it is, and then thank God for His loving mercy that we are forgiven and loved, just as we are. It is not about works but His love towards us that saves. Amen I too am a sinner and have many thing in me that I wish were not there. Often times these sins in me become more of my emotional focus and don`t allow me to fellowship with Him as I hope. What is greater, the sin or it`s ability to interfer with my fellowship with my God.

Vernessa Jones
July 2, 2009

I think that is true that the only way to get true information is from someone that is experiencing the problem and also on what the bible says. find a strong christian going thru celibacy.

Pam
July 3, 2009

I have been searching for answers on this topic. Most of the comments seem to be from younger singles but there are also widows & widowers who have had long, happy marriages & may be looking for that affection & companionship that is suddenly missing from their lives. Paul, in 1 Corinthians is very verbal about sexual immorality but is affection & companionship immoral? Do I need to feel quilty because I am attracted to someone of the opposite sex & want to spend time with them? As we age, our needs are different but we still have needs.

Cindy
July 3, 2009

I'm not quite sure where "obedience" regarding God's moral "law" is ever "optional" for a genuine believer. God's grace is never spoken of as something that allows us to STAY in sin. God's Grace is something that gives us the power to forsake our sin and walk in the Spirit, not fulfilling the lusts of the flesh. Jesus and Paul both identified sins that will keep people out of His kingdom: Jesus' teachings in Rev. 21-22 and Paul's teachings in I Cor. 5:9-13, I Cor. 6:9-11, Gal. 5:19-21. Us being born again does not wipe away a marriage that God has joined together(an original marriage) allowing us to remain in a relationship He has called adultery(remarital OR extramarital) any more than our being born again allows us to remain in a homosexual union. We are called to FLEE our sins as they are made known to us. There is no more clear verse than Mt. 7:21-23 in which Jesus tells us that MANY will call Him, "Lord, Lord" in that day.............those who are workers of LAWLESSNESS/iniquity..........and He will cast them away, irregardless of all the many "works" they did in His name. I pray that none here will minimize the words of Christ and Paul concerning sexual immorality in the life of a professed believer. The "end" of living in such a manner is not a good ending, eternally.

Againali
July 5, 2009

Well, let me just get this clear so I understand...if your husband broke the most sacred vow of trust by first A. being abusive and B. leaving you for another woman, and you were only 33, am I to understand that you would be finished with relationships with ALL men until the day you died, even if that was another 60 years? I'm just asking because I'm curious, I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I honestly would like to know how you feel about this, since you stated what you did in your post.

It's very easy for people who've never been married or who are in good, solid marriages to judge the lives of others who have not had functional marriages. Both my husband and I AND my ex husband and the woman he left me for have come to know Christ...but according to what you're saying, what's the point? We're all doomed anyway. Am I to believe we're exempt from the forgiveness of Jesus? Didn't Jesus himself say that no one should get divorced, except in the case of adultery? Can't adultery be taken in other contexts, such as something you choose to be involved with that takes away from your spouse and your marriage, like drugs, for instance? I know many people having an affair with those, and destroying their marriages.

I just need to know where the forgiveness of Christ fits into all this. I personally am choosing to believe that Christ forgave me and is giving my new husband and me a second chance. Otherwise, what's the point of living...honestly? I might as well become Catholic again, and be persecuted for not being perfect every day.

Cindy
July 5, 2009

againali,

Would I stay single if my husband went off the deep end and got into sin and left me? Yes..........not because I would want to, but because it is what Jesus requires of them who love Him (I Cor. 7:10-11, 7:39, Mt. 19:9(b)). I would love my husband as God loves(I Cor. 13). His Word says that the TWO are NO LONGER TWO, but ONE FLESH. If another woman got involved with my husband, she would be seen as the one who is "trying" to separate what God has joined together........not a good position to be in. Personally, I would be in prayer for BOTH to repent of their adultery (forsake it, not confess it and remain in the same state, THINKING they have repented in the biblical way). If God says that relationship is adultery, then professing the knowledge of it being adultery does not change the relationship into a "lawful" marriage allowing the other woman and my husband to remain together---for God did not join that relationship as ONE FLESH----He calls that relationship adultery. The reason it is adultery TO GOD is because He sees the parties belonging to others---the Ones He DID join together. True repentance would entail forsaking the biblically defined illicit relationship and then praying for the restoration of the marriage(s) GOD joined as ONE FLESH.

The same goes for the man who joins together with a woman who is divorced from her husband. In all the gospels, it is said of such a man: "he commits adultery" (Mt. 19:9(b), Lk. 16:18), so in the Lord's eyes the man who marries a divorced woman is in sin---because he has joined himself to a woman who belongs to another man in the sight of God. Again, this is not about what is acceptable/legal in MAN'S eyes, it is what is acceptable/permissible in GOD'S eyes. As Christians, we should not follow the ways of the world, but should follow Jesus' ways---even to the sacrificing of our own desires. Why? Because we were bought with a price. We no longer are ours to do with as WE please, but we belong to Him to do as HE pleases---for HIS glory and for the eternal good of the kingdom. What Jesus wants is for us to reflect HIM. As I said, sexual immorality (as defined by God, not man) will keep people out of His kingdom. Jesus taught that and so did Paul. How could we ever say otherwise then? If we willingly/knowingly CONTINUE in sin, we only have fearful judgment to look forward to, scripture tells us. Nowhere in scripture will we find that God's Grace is EVER applied to willful, disobedient, continual sinful lifestyles. As a matter of fact, God's Word tells us that those who live in such ways, remaining unrepentant, do not belong to Him.

You say that it is easy for a "single" (never married) or happily married person to say such things. I belong to a fellowship FILLED with divorced persons who espouse and live out what God has spoken in His Word concerning "remaining unmarried"(I Cor. 7:10-11)----many of them were the "forsaken" ones. Also, in my fellowship are those who have repented of remarrying adulterously (either they were the "guilty" party and moved on/married their partner in adultery OR they were the "innocent" party who married another, then were convicted they were living in sin according to God's Word and forsook their adulterous unions).

So you see, it is God's Word that causes many of us to take the stance we do and not our personal circumstances/needs/desires. As Christians, if we want to make sure we are walking with the Lord and not deceiving ourselves, it is VERY important to stay in His Word and seek to do HIS will..........even when we think it "not fair"...........In the end, temporally AND eternally, it will be to our best interest to follow Him-----not the world OR those who profess to know Christ, but do not follow Him by their outward deeds/words.

One other thing: I can't make others see as I do, but what I can do is encourage those who say they follow Jesus to get in HIS Word.........to fervently pray that He give them enlightenment in this area of life because it is THAT important eternally speaking. Blessings...............

Jessica
July 5, 2009

Here's the thing about adultery: it's about more than who you sleep with. Jesus made it clear that any of us can commit adultery just by our thoughts and fantasies, even if we never act on them.
So, I, too, am guilty of adultery; I am 30 and single, living in a sex-saturated society, and though I may not have had sex, I have certainly thought about it.
With all due respect to Cindy, whose testimony I did read, I think the Holy Spirit convicts different people in different ways and at different times. I have seen how divorce and unfaithfulness can hurt marriages & families. And it was not how God intended things to be. Sometimes, though, it is the way things end up. So here's my question: After that's all over, why should those people be denied a chance at redemption, a new life, and a new family? I don't believe they should. I've seen bad marriages end and lead to new, happier families. I don't think of that as adultery.
Different people will be convicted differently, I guess; it sounds like God has blessed you with a second chance, as He has done for others I know.

Cindy
July 5, 2009

Hello Jessica,

Just to clear something up, that testimony on Cadz.net is not mine. I happen to know the woman whose testimony it is though. What you said about the Holy Spirit revealing things to people at different times and in different ways is true. However, He does not reveal different "TRUTH". Either a relationship is adultery or it is a lawful, God joined marriage. If it is adultery, then the Word of God and the Holy Spirit will be in agreement. How and when the Holy Spirit reveals/pricks/urges, etc is up to God, but WHAT HE reveals, though sometimes in "layers", will end up at the same place for all who are in the same situations. In other words, it is NOT, "what is right for you is ok, but that is not right for me". Truth is truth----for all.

Concerning what you said-------- "why should those people be denied a chance at redemption, a new life, and a new family? I don't believe they should. I've seen bad marriages end and lead to new, happier families. I don't think of that as adultery", what do you base this reasoning on???

Are you basing this on what you THINK, FEEL, ETC? Is that how a Christian is supposed to derive truth? God says that His people perish for lack of knowledge. The truth is that many end up PERISHING because of disobedience due to ignoring or putting aside God's Word, and instead walking by their own wisdom and judgment. That is a very dangerous place to be, in my humble opinion. Are many marriages broken? Yes, sadly. Are those broken marriages (including those who have in disobedience/sin remarried others) beyond repair and restoration? Absolutely not! I have seen God restore original marriages.........not only that, His Word teaches us that He is a God of reconciliation (as we are supposed to be as His ministers).

It is not impossible for an adulterer/adulteress to forsake their ways and be restored to their covenant family. It is not impossible for a drug addict, booze addict, porn addict, a liar, thief, etc, etc to truly repent and be restored.........Many will be shaking their heads in agreement to this, yet...................they will say a spouse who has gone astray is somehow beyond redemption......that they have a "right" to move on and intermingle their families with other people's families and it is perfectly AOK with the Lord. Where do we find this teaching in His Word to support such thinkings/actions? I have yet to find anything like this. To the contrary, I have found MUCH in God's Word about our sacrificing our wants and desires for the higher call/greater good/to be holy as He is holy. Truly Jessica, I would very much like you to present scripture to uphold what you believe to be OK with the Lord and NOT adultery in His sight. Blessings............

Razzlegtd
July 6, 2009

I have been following the discussions "Cindy' and other writers. In the new Testament, adultery is often listed with other sins. i.e.-evil thoughts, sexual immorality, stealing, murder, and so on. It is basically saying if you are guilty of one then you are guilty of all. It also speaks as idol worship as adultery.
The sin of adultery as discussed in His word is to bring to the mind of the reader or listener the seriousness of unrepentant sin in the lives of God's children.
Sexual sin of any nature has consequence. Pre-maritial sex can instill the memory of the person in your mind for life, even while you are married to another. There are long term effects to any braking of God's laws, as they address the very make up of mans mind and heart. We have learned how to silence these truths.
But there is a greater "law' that Jesus was trying to teach. He often spoke against the leaders of His day because they were too inflexable with the rules (laws)and demanded the people to follow the written word as it was recorded. Jesus condemd this practice, as it was an excuse to judge without mercy and an excuse to not show love, and they often judged others by a standard that they themselves were un
able to maintain.
By what measure you judge, you will be judged by, you need to show mercy in order to recieve mercy.
Jesus forgave the adulterious woman and told her to sin no more. An adulterious person who repents is forgiven. The idea is to recognize that adultery is a sin and do it no more.
You say they are still commitong adultery by staying in their current relationships. God has blessed their union by allowing grace into their lives, who else has the right to sya if it right or wrong if God is blessing the current union. Are you greater than HIM.
James 2:13 states that judgement without mercy is the same as adultery.
Mercy triumps over judgment.
The sins listed in the New Test. are there to reveal to us our need to repent and to seek God and His ways. Love your neighbour as yourself, show mercy, judge not.
The only person we have a right to judge is ourselves. Otherwise the only way you can make others accept your dogmatics is through force.
I am not undermining the Word of God, I am trying to show you that as a Christian, that love and mercy to others is more important. You can be as judgemental as you want about how you follow God`s word but to destroy hope in others is not the intent of Christ teaching.

Cindy
July 6, 2009

Raz,

I would agree with what you are saying about Grace, but concerning the nature of this type relationship (adultery), I see nowhere in scripture where it changes from sin to a lawful, joined by God marriage because either someone confesses knowledge of their sin OR man's laws permit such unions. The reality remains that in the Lord's eyes (and that is all that should matter to a Christian) the people's involved are having relations with someone else's spouse. This is based upon scripture, nothing else.

A perfect example in line with this would be homosexual marriage. In some states (many more to come) it is already legal. Say a couple was to marry, then adopt a child(ren). Then one of them becomes a born again Christian. What are they to do? They are in sin. Do they merely verbally assent their relationship is sinful in God's eyes and then continue living together as married? Do the children make this a valid union? Does their "repentance" now change the nature of their relationship into a valid, God joined marriage? What scripture(s) could one provide to show that God's Grace entitles one to remain in such relationships?

As to the "go and sin no more"............yes, God's Grace worked in the woman's life so she quit sleeping with men who were NOT her husband! That is genuine repentance. It would not have been genuine repentance for her to accept the Lord's forgiveness and then continue sleeping with men who did not belong to her.

Another point: What of the MANY people (and there are HUGE ministeries of those "standing" for their marriages to be restored) who are remaining faithful to the vows they took, praying for their spouse to return to the marriage and God, departing their lifestyle of sin? Is there scriptural support to provide such persons that their spouse is really NOT in adultery, but that God is now blessing their spouse's second union? Can we show biblical support for this to the children of the first/covenant marriage..........that dad/mom does not have to return home and is in good standing with God in his/her new relationship?

Seems to me that many people focus and extend what they believe is "God's Grace" to the people whom God defines as in adultery (having unlawful relations with someone who is not your spouse), saying God's Grace covers their sin, yet, the same people will tell the faithful ones that their suffering is just a part of life, that they need to "let go" of their spouse(they don't belong to them anymore, they are told) ..........and this counsel with NO biblical support. It's all one big mess and it will continue to be until people decide to get into God's Word and seek GOD's counsel instead of relying upon their own or other's reasonings. I pray that more and more would study this-----especially the "singles", so they do not find themselves in adultery by following the lead of others who have already disobeyed God and explained it away. Blessings..........

Cindy
July 6, 2009

Raz,

I forgot to address one other point. You spoke about a "greater law"...........the only two laws Jesus addressed as important were these: 1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart 2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Concerning adultery.........if one follows both laws Jesus spoke of, they would immediately, upon being convicted of being in adultery, seek to forsake that sinful life. Why can't they just confess their sin and stay in the same relationship? Because God has called that relationship: Adultery, so due to their love of God, they would not want to continue in any known UNHOLY living, offending Him and misrepresenting Him to the world around them.

Concerning the second "law", if their eyes were opened to their adulterous state, there are three things concerning "loving your neighbor"..........one: they would not want to continue being the cause of the "3rd" party(unlawful spouse) sinning and bringing God's judgment upon them. Because they love this person in a GODLY sacrificial way, they want that person to be right with God too. Two: they would never want someone to take their rightful spouse, so in turn, they see their own guilt in taking another's spouse and being an impediment for the restoration of the original marriage that God joined as ONE FLESH. Three: they do not want to continue being the reason why their spouse (their covenant spouse) continues in adultery (a remarriage) due to their initial sin of divorcing them. They will want to share God's Word on marriage with their original spouse hoping they too would come to repentance and then their family would be restored, for God's Glory.

As I said, I know many who have forsaken adulterous (re)marriages because of conviction. God is moving in this area and opening eyes concerning the BIG picture of His love/our love towards each other. Blessings.........

Jerod
July 6, 2009

We're going to go ahead and close comments for this post since we're a little off topic.

Thanks to all of you singles who shared your thoughts. It really is an important and under discussed issue I think.

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