Discussing
Accountability or Annoying: Shared Email Addresses

Seems to me that sharing a password would be a little more effective.

Annoying, definitely annoying...

Personally, I do not see the aggravation some have with this concept. If you and your spouse share everything in life, as God intended, then what harm could come from sharing an email account? Think about what your saying.... What do you need to communicate that you wouldn't want your significant other to see? I feel this is an issue that for some can only mean their marriage is not what it should be. Anyway, that is my opinion and to me fits with God's intent for marriage.

This is one of my top pet peeves. What about the privacy of the person *sending* the email?

As a single women the information I want to share with my friend is not the same as the information I want to share with her husband. If they want accountability then get separate email addresses and share the password. No need to violate the privacy of emails from long time, well-known friends.

Sharing is problematic for a number of different reasons. For instance, there are matters of confidentiality (what if one spouse is an elder and the other is not, etc.) and when the person sending the email writes with the expectation of writing to one person, not a couple. It seems a little unfair to the other half of the conversation. Emailing has replaced many verbal forms of communication, like the telephone call. No one expects to call a friend's home to talk to Sue and have Bill listening on the other line without your knowledge.

My parents share an email address and I have an inherent distrust that the intended person received the note based on past experiences: more than once my Dad has opened the email, not kept it as new/accidently deleted, and failed to tell my Mom about the email's existence.

And one more thing: in marriage you share with one another, but you don't lose your personal identity or status as an individual person with relationships. Keeping separate email addresses may be a good little reminder of this important point.

I think sharing an email would be just impractical in our case, as my wife and I receive so much email geared toward our specific tastes and interests. She doens't want to sift thorugh all the fantasy football updates, Men's Ministry newsletters, and junk mail that I get. I don't need to get her shopping newsletters, baby stuff, and Mommy & Me messages. Between us, we probably have 5 email addresses, just to avoid all the junk mail! But i never hesitate to share my password, and if I ask for it, she'll give me her password, even though I usually forget it.
It's all about trust.

The other problem with this is it seems to be a false solution. We all know how easy it is to get a free web based email. So if someone wants to break the accountability there is virtually no cost to doing so. So I am not sure why anyone thinks this will solve anything. You either trust your spouse or you don't.

why not just sign up both email accounts in your mail client. My wife and I have access to both but use our own when sending.

I agree you, Jerod. Shared email addresses can be really annoying. Especially for the reason that Chelsey said -- when you're not sure that the person you are intending the message for is actually going to read it -- or if it will get lost by their spouse.

I personally do not share an email address with my hubby. I do think it could be good for the reasons stated, but I have to trust him that he is not going to keep secrets from me, and he trusts me to do the same.

We are an open book with eachother. The other day a friend wanted to tell my husband something and said, "You can't share this with your wife." My husband told him upfront, "I won't necessarily share it with my wife, but our relationship is an open book. I don't keep secrets from her. What you share with me, I need to feel free to share with her too."

When people share information with me, they have to understand that I may or may not share it with my husband -- based upon my own discretion. If they trust me enough to share it, they need to trust me enough to know how I will handle the information.

I made my wife get her own email account. I was tired of getting HGTV newsletters and other junk that was clearly only intended for her. She already knew my password (she was using my email), and I set up her account, so I know her password as well.
Definitely the annoying factor for me.
She has her own cell phone too, I see them as equally personal forms of communication.

I am with you. I believe it is better to have separate email addresses as I am an individual and I believe my wife is as well. We share passwords and we both agree that us going into the others email is not an invasion of privacy since we are "one." We are facebook friends and we also know that passwords to that as well. Keeping the passwords known grows trust and for the most part, she doesn't bother going into my email unless I ask her to do something when I can't get to it. And vice-versa.

When we first went online, my wife and I gravitated toward a joint email address. And, yes, our address is a combination of our first names (partially because our last name is difficult to spell). It was natural because in 25 years of marriage, we have shared virtually everything, including most of our friends. And because the address had both first names, those writing/reading were (should have been) able to see it was a joint account.

When we changed email providers about a year ago, we decided to set up separate accounts because we have separate church leadership positions and there are now some things which need to be separate. We still have our joint account, however, for general correspondence.

There is still a level of trust between us, because we have all three accounts on Outlook and have our passwords set to recognize automatically at home. (There's probably more of an issue of our computer security than our relationship...)

I don't suppose I really need to comment as nearly every one of my objections to a shared email account have been covered. But I have encountered this with a couple of friends and I have to say that the fear of having my personal messages read by the husband (who is a wonderful person, but NOT my girlfriend) is a real inhibitor to building relationship! And yes, I have a friend whose husband is an elder. Another friend's husband has actually teased me about items I've sent for his wife...it's just really annoying. My husband and I share passwords and we have both been know to call from afar to ask the other to log on and retrieve stored information. I've even made his football picks for him. But do I want to see the rest of the mail he gets? No way! And does he want news of pattern or craft sales? Uh-uh! My vote is 100% for separate accounts.

Wow. I found an article on this creepy trend I've seen in my Christian friends. Take away one's individual freedom to have his or her email account, and he or she will just resort to more dangerous methods of self-expression. Maybe this is acceptable within your own communities, but I prefer to communicate with an individual.