Discussing
Does pornography = adultery?

Does pornography equal adultery? Judging by recent statistics, this isn't an academic question for the majority of us.

Yes.
Where I think the question gets interesting is when you include softer, even subliminally erotic material.
Everyone can agree that a line should be drawn, but the questions of where and who manages the drawing are where the friction can be found.

Porn is not adultery for so many reasons. The most obvious is that a porn viewer may not be married or the person in the porn may not. I could easily say that it is fornication, licentiousness, lust, sensuality, etc. but not all porn is adultery.

I would say that if you are married or the person performing is married it is adultery. But that is really just splitting hairs. Really, is it bad to bring someone else into the relationship God intended for only two people? Of course it is. Even worse, isn't it a really bad idea to live in a dream world rather than face the truth. Porn is an act on a fantasy created by people to feel good about themselves through a completely selfish act. It is the opposite of love. Isn't that reason enough to avoid it.

Porn is an objectification of people and a false sense of intimacy. I had a seminary professor that told someone that if you are married, it is OK to masturbate, as long as you don't lust. What an interesting concept. Is it possible to masturbate and not lust? Isn't all of that a form of selfishness that doesn't belong in the love relationship God intended for men and women?

I have struggled for some time with the "hierarchy" of sin. Although some have tried to show me references to prove otherwise, I can't see anyplace in Scripture where God thinks some sin is better or worse than others.

From a "practical" standpoint, we can see how some sin has more impact (on ourselves and other people) than other sin. In that respect, there may be a difference in the realm of pornography. But don't we have studies that show people who are engaged in pornography are never satisfied?

Healthy discussion, but l hope no one comes away saying "pornography is OK." We've compromised too much in our contemporary culture already.

I would have to be one that answers "yes" to that question, too. Jesus told us that to look upon a woman with lust is equal to committing adultery in our heart. God does not look at the outward actions of man, but to the inner heart. We are to set aside and die to our own selfish, fleshly desires and to walk in the ways of Christ. And if our Christ was standing next to us at that laptop and seeing what we were seeing, I have a feeling he wouldn't be looking at pornography as just a harmless way to pass the time.

When someone questions whether pornography use is adultery, I always wonder if they're trying to justify something. In my experience, it's the wrong question; the fact remains that pornography is incredibly damaging to anyone, whether single or married, whether it qualifies as adultery or not.

It's funny because I use the same arguments against porn that I eschew when applied to role-playing games. Porn use represents an unhealthy descent into a fantasy world that causes the user to less effectively operate in the real world. However, unlike RPGs, the element of masturbation that typically accompanies porn usage and the inevitable shame cycle make porn a much stronger physiological and emotional (and yes, spiritual!) vice, one that more readily degrades into a full-blown addiction.

So is pornography adultery? Ultimately, I don't care — I think the question is irrelevant. I think it is as harmful as adultery, but might even be worse in many senses given its hidden nature, lower cultural resistance and higher availability. How's that for a non-answer? :-)

Great article, BTW.

Yes it is harming. Now God made woman beautiful and wanting because if he didn't we wouldn't want to procreate. Two if you have had a loving intimate relationship with your wife or husband, you will say that not only did it satisfy a primal urge, but that it felt wonderful. God made us to procreate and therefore, made it pleasant to say the least. It is however, wrong and a sin to go outside the marriage. John

while it is true that its very wrong, this material is offered for free on internet and sometimes pops up automatically on the net, but if you go on godly websites, you will find out that most things are not being offered for free there, and for new believers its quite discouraging.
The battle is countering what they are offering on porn websites, and the idea is to get as many people as possible to believe the truth (believe in God) and most don't have credit cards in their countries, now how do they access gospel stuff now

If God didn't recognise "scales of badness" He would not be just. Check out Zechariah 1:15 or Matthew 26:24. I think it's the mistaken conception of Hell as a place equally tormenting for all inhabitants which makes people think God sees black and white.

Unfortunately, you could ask my wife if she feels porn is a form of adultery. She would answer and strong YES! I have shattered our marriage, plus many other aspects of our lives due to my porn and lust addiction.
It is a horrible trap of satan to be avoided at all costs. Now mainstream media is becoming a gateway to the porn industry (in my opinion). Each time a new show comes out for primetime it gets more sexual and overt. It's coming to the point where it's not going to be safe for anyone who wants to live an upright life to even turn on the TV or radio. And I'm not talking about paid extras on cable/satellite. I'm talking about cheap network TV and radio. And don't get me started about the affects media has on our children and the junk they are exposed to. Even if you are able to protect them in your own home, unfortunately most of their peers are probably not receiving the same protection.
Sorry for the rant, but I know first hand the devestation that porn brings. It is SIN and it is adultery. I did not save the most private thoughts & fantasies I had for my wife only. I have never physically cheated on my wife, but my thoughts kept me unconnected in that area. Your thoughts and actions should be kept in line with your spouse only.

Yes it is adultery. It is sad how sex is everywhere and so accessible to tear up marriages. My husband and I were temporarily living apart so we could both work on other issues before living together again, at one point we weren't talking and thought it was over. So his friend had a 5 day stag party in Montreal and my husband went knowing what his friends were like. Noone put a gun to his head. So I am so heartbroken and unfortunately I am filing for divorce on Monday. I don't care if he got a private lap dance or didn't. I will not stay in a marriage where I can actually ask my husband "How many women have you seen in person naked other than your wife?" and that he actually has a number for me. And Jesus understands how betrayed a woman feels even if it is a sin of the heart, which is why he said we can use it as a clause to divorce. This is a sick world. I war with myself to forgive him and move on but, why should I stop believing in God's people and believe what satan wants me to, that all men are like this? All men are not like this. I feel bad for our 4 children. All under the age of 10 with no father now.

jlc & CF, thank you so much for sharing your testimonies. This is the kind of real life sin that is so important for us as Christians to acknowledge has affected us, ruined us, caused us to weep bitterly. It took grace & courage & I am sure more than just a little pain, for you both to share your stories. Thank you.

CF, please be encouraged that your children still do have a father. He may be a total @#$%&*! to you right now, while your wound is still so raw, but please remind yourself of his paternal role daily & pray for your children's father. Your comments about him to them will show them Christ in a very real way, even if it's a "Pray for your daddy because God wants you to pray for him" comment. They are half him, and they can't help that. Please build him up to them, do not tear him down, despite your (incredibly valid) feelings of anger towards his actions.

I hope you are in counseling, or do you have a close friend and/or a pastor wih whom you are able to share your deep grief and your feelings of betrayal? If not, please seek out Biblically based counsel. Scripture teaches us that there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors, so get this wound "in the light" by all means, otherwise it will fester and cause more damage. If I may recommend a book to you (besides your Bible, which I hope you are reading, especially the Gospel of John), please read Bold Love, by Dan Allender (jlc, I hink it would be a good read for you, too, if you haven't read it yet). Bold Love may help put your devastating pain into some kind of perspective, and possibly encourage your heart.

And, I always want to share this when women wonder if "all men are like this" and those sneaky, rotten seeds of bitterness and mistrust toward a whole gender try to take root: I was severely physically and emotionally abused by a woman, and treating others despicably isn't just a man-flaw. If you're going to despise all men, then you must despise all women too, including yourself, because we are not any better than the men. Our sins are just not usually so overtly sexual as theirs. No, not all men are like your husband, and not all women are like the one who harmed me. Keep your focus on the Lord Jesus Christ.

jlc, did your marriage survive your porn and lust addiction? What would you share with
someone like CF if say, you were a pastor, and she shared her story with you, not realizing what had happened in your life?

That is crazy, adultery, fornication, it is all a sin. And the two shall become one flesh, his body is not his own any more. I know I don't want to play with myself, so why would i want the other part of me doing it. Can't I be that fantasy? if i can't find some one who can.

Thank you

May God bless you jlc, thank you for your true words. He is the Restorer!

I was reading an article recently that made a painful point to many Christian women. It simply said that behind many of the "porn addicted" men in the church there are women who have no problem rejecting their husband sexually. Scripture is clear that if either spouse's sexual needs are not met they WILL be tempted to stray.

I just found this site tonight while searching for answers. I got married when I was 19 to the most caring and humble guy you'll ever meet. My life dream was to be a missionary someday, and he said it was his, too. I was very insecure and paranoid when we first got married, and I definitely recognize that I put too much pressure and control on him. About a year in he started looking at pornography, which he had told me he sruggled with before we got married. I was devastated. Looking back, I laugh at how broken up I was about this considering what was to happen later. Three years in, he told me he got fired from his job because he had asked some customers to have sex with him. I thought I would die of pain and heart break. I coped, though, and I blamed myself. That was the easiest way to deal with it. He "changed" and started going to counseling, etc. Then a year later, he decided that coulnseling, marriage and religion were "emasculating" him. He said he would look at porn if he wanted to and I needed to deal with it. So I did, and I became determined to love him despite how he treated me. At first I fought back, but he soon made it clear to me that he would do what he wanted no matter how it affected me. He also had times throughout all this when he would be his normal, sweet self. And I assure you I wasn't denying him sexually. Even two weeks after "the customer incident" I was having sex with him again because I felt it was my duty as his wife to fulfill his needs. Then about a year later he said we should get a divorce, he hated marriage, it was emasculating him, and he would leave me if I didn't do better in sex. I said I would do better while still making it known to him that his behavior was unacceptable. I tried, but he wanted me to have sex like a porn star, and I'm not that. I can't be that. Still he would be so kind and caring to me concerning every day things. My brother's beautiful wife left him that year, and my family was devastated, but my husband said she was smart and that marriage was stupid. A couple of months later my brother informs me that my husband has been writing suggestive emails to his ex-wife. I was stunned, but it didn't hurt as bad as the first time, luckily. By this point I had already accepted that my husband was going to use porn and I couldn't stop him. But I still stayed, waiting to figure out what to do. Then the day or two before Christmas, he sent and email to her basically confessing his infatuation and lust for her over the years, and trying to kind of hook up with her, although not so overt as with the customers. I left the next day and stayed moved out for about three months. The thing is, according to my upbringing in the church and with the bible, only adultery was a reason to divorce, and I felt that he unfortunately had not crossed that line. Unfortunate because I felt miserable, rejected, shamed, heartbroken, hopeless, and dead emotionally. I wanted out. When I came back, he didn't seem too terribly excited about me being back. He refused to take ownership and change. Yet he was still his very caring self on the surface, which confused me and made me feel crazy. He only had sex with me twice, and then wouldn't have sex with me anymore. It's not that I wanted to have sex, it's just that I felt that it was my job to fulfill his needs. Then I reached a breaking point and really started to go off the deep end. I warned him about three or four months in advance that I would leave if he didn't change. He didn't, and even on the day I left he said I needed to change and alluded to what he had said a few months earler- that he did what he did because I wasn't satisfying him. I said "You do realize that pornography isn't real, right?" He said "The stories might not be real, but the sex is real." At that I left. About a week after I left he started changing and he wanted me back. I haven't seen him since and that was almost three months ago. He just emailed me about how much he loved and missed me and was praying for me. He's going to church now, and counseling, and an addiciton group. He seems to genuinely be changing. I've been really torn about whether what he did was biblically unfaithfulness or not. I feel really sorry for him, but I've been so devastated and through so much pain, I just want to be free from this. I've been happier and more at peace this last three months than I have in years. I feel alive again, truly. I'm 26 now, and I feel like I'm living life again. I dread the idea of going back and hope it's not what God wants for me. I know that only God can give me these answers, which I've been trying to be patient and wait for. I think it's good to get perspectives from others, though. Sorry this was so long, but that's my story.

This is an interesting topic or question all the same. The act of sex involves the soul, mind and body. The bilble clearly defines our bodies as temples unto the Lord where His spirit dwells and operates.
When man joins with the woman they become one flesh and indeed one. Jesus Christ further clarified that looking lustfully at another woman besides your wife is equal to adultery.
Porn is defiling to our spirit and soul and it does defile the mind leading to serious addiction and destruction of the 'pure person' that the Lord created.
It is therefore a recipee of adultery and could very easily lead one into adultery (sin).
People of God we need to be clear, that when satan beguiled Eve in the garden of eden, he did not present himself as fatal but an alternative voice of reason to what is ours and which we have been rightfully denied by God.
The bible warns us to flee sin not to negotiate. Flee faster away from things which will very easily entangle you and destroy you.
Porn is dirty, deceptive. will bind your mind into addiction and destroy your soul. If not, why would it be so easy for poeple to get in and quite difficult to come out. Please keep it awayu like plague.

I am so touched by your story and the indepth of every account you have deailed here. My sister, pray and pray for the leading of the Lord in this matter. The bible warns us in2Corinthians Chapt. 5 & 6. We are not supposed to be unequally yoked.
You are undergoing the tragic events of a person yoked into porn and whose mind is serious bound by the defiling of his spirit. Demons of lust were planted into this brother thro' porn and the inetent of satan is to steal, kill and destroy. Steal his soul, kill it and destroy it and the marriage completely.
Let he(satan) who stole steal no more. Pray for my brother to be delinked from the effects of these spirits, sever all the soul-ties which he has taken in lustfully thro the many exposures to porn. Pray to the Lord to guide you in this matter. It may be wise to stop this relationship for good and seek God's direction about your future and remember you are esponsible to the Lord and not man.
I encourage you to be very strong. Do not give up for out of the miry clay, the Lord will lift you up. He will lift up your head. It is Him who has promised to give us a hope and a future and to erase every one of our faulty past.
May the Lord look upon you with His love . May He retore unto you the joy of His salvation and renew His right within you. I am praying with you dear.
Thank you for sharing your experience.

I will pray for you aswell, and your husband. My advise is to pray till your knees are sore. This addiction he has is stronger and more wide spread through our society than any drug out there. I am a happily married 29yr old male, and have always had no problem attracting the girls. I can say from my struggles in life that it seems at times to go against nature for me to only be attracted to one woman. And if you were to see my wife she could easily model for any magizine. My point is that pure satisfaction doesn't come from having a beautiful knock out wife, who has sex like a porn star. No that still would not satisfy myself or your husband. It comes from a close walk with God and a true understanding for his intentions in your life and finding pure joy in pleasing Him.

That may sound like a bunch of "church" words but please believe me it's true! If we live to please God then we will please our wives, and God will bless us with satasfaction that even the most popular rock stars and there hundreds of women can't compare. My thoughts are that your husband will only be worth returning to when/if he proves to you that God is the center of his life and in all things he will attempt to please him. God can and will heal all wounds, you are his child and he knows you better that you know yourself. You are not alone in your pain. Gods love for you is so great nothing else matters in comparison.

One last thought. Christian couples counciling is a great place to start over.

You both will be in my daily prayers.

this is so heartbreaking. guys just dont understand what they are doing to our spirits. im so broken, i'll never recover. and its just from porn.

It is a betrayal of marriage vows. It is not a harmless little vice. Yes, it effing matters. He promised to be faithful to me, and he has not been.

My mother has dealt with my father's porn addiction for years. I only recently discovered it. My mother encouraged me to stand by my husband and help him when he falls... my mother is a much stronger woman than I. I find my husband disgusting and despicable. We've made love twice since I found out just yesterday morning, but it's not the same. I don't feel the bond of trust between us anymore, because it isn't there. I don't know how to react to him anymore, or how to explain to him how I feel.

He doesn't believe viewing pornography is wrong. He thinks that it is a viable way to satisfy an urge without f***ing another woman, and doesn't understand why it hurts me, even though he knows it does hurt me. He said he's never felt ashamed. I don't understand.

Kim, you need to go here http://gospelthemes.com/asa.ht... to learn about "Adultery and Sexual Addiction" in Christian marriages. Read the article (which contains excerpts from the second volume of the author's most popular work), and learn from a solid Scriptural standpoint exactly what God says about sex, love, and marriage. It's all in the Bible, but we've all been blindsided by this awful world we live in... reject the world, embrace the WORD!

"The increasing frequency of couples requesting help with adultery and sexual addiction is a strong indication that sexual sin will be the number-one marriage problem facing twenty-first-century Christians. Fortunately, God provides a tested and tried three-part formula for overcoming both adultery and sexual addiction. Invariably, however, if Christians don't know how to deal with these devastating sexual sins, they do great harm to both the sinner and the mate." -- Patsy Ray Dawson

Read the website article above. The LORD God Almighty is good, praise HIM!

I've been married ten years. My husband has been addicted to pornography since the very beginning. He swore to me that all men do it. Most just don't tell their wives about it. I felt like I should feel lucky that he at least didn't hide it. Problem is, it doesn't stop with porn. The brain needs more and more to be stimulated, so what started as soft core porn eventually turned to hard core porn. He couldn't have sex with me unless we were viewing a porn or I was telling him a fantasy. The fantasies were the worst, it was like reading to a three year old boy but in place of the brave knights and dragons, there were naked women, and lots of them. My self esteem was shot. Any time someone tried to tell me how beautiful I was, I couldn't ever bring myself to believe it. If I was so beautiful, why did my husband need all of these other women? It escalated more, there were the 1-900 numbers (it only happened twice), the discovery of a particular sex video website similar to youtube, the stripper that gave him the amazing lap dance, and the constant pressure from near the beginning of our marriage to engage in group sex. I blindly thought I was taking care of my husband, giving in to all of his sexual pleas, making him so happy, although I hated all of it. We had so much sex, it was sickening, there was no way that God or beauty or love could have found their way into our sex life. I was lonely. When he pushed yet again for group sex, I caved and agreed. There was a man that we had become friends with that was always so nice to me. We asked him to engage in a threesome with us, he said no. It didn't stop there. My husband wanted me to ask again. At some point, our friend finally agreed, since he had started developing feelings for me. So we did it. And my world crumbled around me. This man touched me in ways I'd never been touched before, he made love to me, in the instances that my husband would leave the room, me and this man were in a world of our own, and it wasn't just sex. It was more than that, passion, love, union. I didn't have to speak and tell a fantasy, he wasn't thinking about other women in his mind, we just made love.
My husband didn't like how good this other man was with me. He emotionally abused me, told me I cheated on him and that I needed to apologize. My heart died. I fell in love with the other man and our friendship grew closer and closer as my husband told me over and over how awful I was to him.
Then my husband found Christ. He worked on giving up on pornography and treating me right. We went through two years of him promising to change and he did change in a lot of ways, but he's still tempted by pornography. He still asks for sex even though I haven't been able to give myself to him for over a year. Everything romantic is dead. He claims he'll love me and stay with me even if I can never have sex with him again. But he still pressures, still asks, and still gets tempted by porn. I fell in love with another man who fell in love with me. This other man taught me about God, we did daily devotions together, read the scriptures, prayed together (all over the phone). I have asked God to kill my love for this other man so that I might be able to love my husband again. I love my husband in a friendly, godly way, but any thought of being with him sexually brings me to tears and grips my heart with intense fear. I have forgiven my husband, and I have asked for his forgiveness (as well as God's). But that didn't bring back intimate feelings for him.
I have submitted to God's will and am awaiting His answer. Pornography hurts. It destroys. It escalates. We have four kids and I've bene trying to not let it destroy our family. But it has destroyed me. Married men have to ask themselves, is all of this really worth it?

It is very brave of you to post your very intimate experiences with this issue, for others to read. Being a man, I do find myself tempted with the female form. Women are beautiful & men are created to appreciate that. That doesn't mean that it's o.k. to exploit or lust over that beauty. I believe it means that when God puts the right person in our lives, we must now truly enjoy each other as He has created us to.

But, we should ALL not forget to put Jesus first. What I mean is that, we are all human. That means that we are ALL sinners, and as sinners, none of us have any authority over any other, to judge or persecute other sinners. God loves us ALL equally, and asks that we do the same. Love one another with ALL your Heart, Mind & Strength. When we forgive, it must be without condition. Imagine if God forgave our sins, but only under certain conditions. Or He could only find it in His heart to forgive just so much & not completely, and that after He forgives us, He just turns away from us as if to say, "I forgive you for your sins. Now go away, because I don't love you the same anymore & don't want to look at you." How can we have hope, If we are basing our love and forgiveness of the awful things that we do to one another on conditions? Would God have ever put skin on to come here & climb up on a cross & be killed, so that we would be forgiven, so that we would have salvation?

AboutGod, I can only guess how difficult it must be to have to overcome these feelings & internal struggles, and I will pray for you. Not out of sympathy or any other emotion than love for another sister in God. But remember, He has Overcome ALL, and wants us to know that in His son Jesus, We too can Overcome.

I can relate to your story and I can relate to your feelings. My husband has been going to strip clubs, watching porn and "talking" to strippers. Even before I found out about it, I felt as if something was wrong with our marriage, love making was, as best I can explain, ugly...it felt all wrong. Our sex life took a dive he indulged more and more, I felt ugly and completely unattractive, I thought that there was something wrong with me..that I wasn't sexually attractive.

Quite frankly the love I had for him once is now gone, when I confronted him last year, he begged me to give our marriage another chance.
I have been trying, but I just don't love him anymore, it's as if the love I had for him is stone dead.
I don't hate him and have have forgiven him and we are good buddies, I just am no longer sexually attracted to him, I just don't love him like that anymore. It hurt me, and yes I have asked myself many times, is this worth it?
I have prayed and am still praying, but quite frankly I am seriously considering divorce.

XD-- Please do not throw in the towel just yet. I can't imagine the hurt. What your husband has and is doing is morally wrong. Any form of lust of the flesh outside of marriage between a male and a female is against God's holy perfect Law the Ten Commandments and does need to be repented of. God equally hates divorce:

'It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce", says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment', says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."
Malachi 2:14-16

XD--I have heard and seen God do amazing things in relationships like yours, transforming them, from the inside-out. Please be patient seek godly counsel. There is help and hope. I will be praying for you and your husband. Kevin

I have been reading through these blogs a little bit more and I am heart broken. As a brother in Christ could I please share a few practical suggestions to anyone, that has help strengthen my own marriage?

Until your husband is spiritually strong, sexually. You must set sexual boundaries that he must not cross. Do not allow him to share sexual fantasies with you, porn or any weird thing you know to be unwholesome and not right. Be calm and remind him how much this hurts you and displeases the Lord. He will likely test you and try to manipulate you from time to time, don't give in. Not even once. Sleep on the sofa if you must. Yes he may become frustrated with you. But your inner beauty will begin to shine and will help convict him and will make him feel guilty. That's good.

BUY the movie FIREPROOF ASAP! (most stores have it) Get rid of the kids for 4-5 hours. This movie will speak his and your language. Watch it together. Try and talk about it afterwards.

BUY the book EVERYMAN'S BATTLE available at most major bookstores. It speaks his language! Lay it on the counter. Tell him you heard it was an outstanding book.

Go to A WEEKEND TO REMEMBER SEMINAR. Put on by Family Life Today! before this year is done! You will have fun, laugh and cry as well. I can't stress this enough. DO IT, DO IT, DO IT! It may cost a little money. You will be thankful you did. google their website. Make the arrangements and make it a surprise, if you don't think he will go along with this. You may have to drive to a distant city to attend. But it will be fun.

If your church only talks about grace and sings praise songs without talking about repentance of sin and takes sin seriously? Find a Bible believing church that does.

May I suggest that women buy a book by the author JUNE HUNT most christian book stores have her books. Or look her up on line and find a title that may interest you. She is a incredible christian counselor, second to none.

Pray that a godly man may come into his life to help him. Encourage him to attend church with you, men's Bible studies, attend adult sunday school even if the crowd is small. Get involved in church

Tell him you love him and that you know he can become the man God want's him to be. Encourage your husband, when he does something right with the kid's and with you let him know. Become his #1 cheer leader.

Pornography is adultery in the heart. It is sin, and obviously does a great deal of damage. But adultery in the heart is not the same as literal adultery. Literal adultery is a matter of two becoming one flesh, while at least one of them are married to another person. This BREAKS the one flesh covenant of the existing marriage(s). Pornography doesn't BREAK that covenant, although I think we can rightly say it violates or damages it. The distinction here is, "in the heart," vs. "in the flesh." Certainly there is a big difference, as is seen if we compare committing murder in the heart vs. actually murdering someone. This is not to minimize bondage to pornography, and the damage that occurs. But if we say that thoughts or viewing are equal to DOING, then committing adultery in the heart -- even once lusting after another woman or man -- would be grounds for divorce because even one thought would break the marriage.

If watching porn is adultery, then watching what men refer to as "chic flicks" would fit in the same category. Think for a moment if you are a woman, why do you watch a chic flick? You have a lustful desire to feel an emotional connection. You want to view a man and a woman connect in an emotional way and even sometimes make love passionately. They may not take their clothes completely off or they may and not show x-rated scenes but you like to see it. For some men who watch porn, it is not for the reason that they actually want the woman that they see in the porn but, that they like to view the act. Women, you don't really want Brad Pitt, or Matt Damon because you don't even know them. You know nothing about their intimate personalities other than what is portrayed on TV and in the media. Is Brad Pitt kind, is he a devoted man that would put his wife before anything? As for men, they know nothing about the women that they see in the porn. Are the women good listeners, are they kind hearted, do they believe in God, do they enjoy cooking lol! I encourage couples to really ask each other this question to get an understanding from one another before one of you gets upset and takes it as, "my husband likes the women that he sees on TV or the internet because they are skinny, have the attitude to want to meet his physical needs or my wife likes the men she sees because they are handsome, kind hearted, and have the attitude to want to meet a womans emotional needs.

I am in the same boat with my marriage and have discovered to my pain that sin begets sin. "What so ever a man soweth that also shall he reap." I fell into the porn trap as a teen when discovering playboy and penthouse magazines at a mans home for whom I was babysitting. I used it to fill my low self esteem issues as well as sexual needs. I assumed when I married, my wife would replace the porn to meet my needs. I underestimated the power of the addiction and of Satan.

IRONICALLY WHAT STARTED FROM MY LOW SELF ESTEEM AND SEXUAL INSECURITY poured over into my marriage. My wife's self esteem was so low by catching me looking at other women with my porn addiction that she eventually felt the need to find the attentions of another man in a real adulterous relationship to feel once again sexually desireable.

The emotional and spiritual distinction of physical adultery versus fantasy porn is a false one. They are both forms of betrayal to God and our spouse. I believed this lie from Satan (porn isn't really adultery0 and I gave him a foothold which has almost destroyed my marriage. My wife has forgiven me through the years for my porn but I kept backsliding. Now it is my turn to forgive her. I was unfaithful through fantasy porn many times. She has betrayed me only the once. Both sins undermine trust, loyalty, intimacy and all the spiritual gifts God intended for a healthy Christian marriage. Don't be like me and put off kicking your porn habit until the consequences have come home to roost in your wife's bed in additon to your own wounded guilt ridden heart.

I am deeply ashamed that it had to come to this for me to wake up to the way I have broken my wife's heart over and over to the point she has been suicidal. Pray for us. I am praying for everyone in our situation. We will only heal and be free through the power of our Risen Christ. With God all things are possible (Matt 19:26) Our married future is in God's hands where I should have had it all along. RMO

Yes, I think it is a betrayal of the marriage vows. By looking at porn, the person has replaced his wife (or her husband) by images of another and has mentally experienced sexual intimacy with that person. Brain research relating to athletes seems to suggest that your mind doesn't know the difference between 'practicing' something in the imagination and actually doing it... this is why most successful athletes constantly reherse their performances in their minds as part of their training. Same goes for sex - your brain knows only that it is experiencing sex (even if your body is not).

My big question is whether or not Jesus would consider this level of 'adultery' serious enough to let one spouse divorce another over.

Why are people looking for loopholes? Jesus made it very clear. Lusting is commiting adultery. Porn leads to masturbation. That is lust comsumated. Those deep sexual feelings are promised to your spouse. To give it up to whores is adultery. Period.

And is not the spouse who's not meeting the sexual needs of the other also committing sin? Let's consider that a spouse using "masterbatory aids" to avoid an actual affair ... or worse, the hiring of a prostitute... or much worse, rape... is actually striving to save his/her marriage despite the other partner not meeting their needs? Could it not be seen (in an odd way) as an act of service/sacrifice for the sake of the other and the saving of the marriage? While I totally think porn is unhealthy, and may even agree to it being sinful... it sometimes feel like the only somewhat reasonably healthing coping mechanism if there's no other options... perhaps other than complete abstinence, but I think that would eventually lead to some devastating psychological effects and immoral actions on a grand scale for some. Tough issue. I just wish couples could meet each other's needs... lovingly, sacrificially with patience and understanding.

Although I agree that porn is not healthy or God's plan for mankind it seems as though issues such as this, primarily a male issue, are hammered on in typical male-bashing ways when female issues are, in almost grand widespread conspiracy fashion, suppressed and ignored. If women would ask themselves what men get out of being married to them or what they are sacrificing to be with them they might start to understand more about men instead of judging them for why wives aren't more satisfied with their lives.

Paul said that it is better to remain single than to burn with lust. This culture is filled with women doing everything in their power to market their sexuality to control and manipulate men. It is hard as a male, created by God to respond to this stimulation, to NOT burn with lust.

If a man follows Paul's advice and decides to marry rather than burn with lust and his wife turns out to be a typical frigid "Christian" I.E. "sex is dirty" either consciously or subconsciously, and uses intimacy as a tool to manipulate him then what is he to do? If his wife is only intimate with him once every few months or once a year, and she will not submit to the very clear Word about not withholding, then what is he to do when he begins burning with lust?

Why does the Church maintain a strict focus on men's sins but gives women a pass on what they have problems with? Many women pressure their husbands to provide their material desires. The big house, very well decorated of course, the new car, fashionable clothes, jewelry, life insurance so the wife can trust in money that will be supplied after he is gone, etc, etc, etc. Is this not a lust of it's own? Covetousness? Does the Church EVER talk about these issues? I think the "Church" is far too female dominated to allow these issues to be addressed, EVER!

Why on Mother's day do we praise women in the sermons for all the wonderful things that are "Mom" but soon after when Father's day comes it is bash men and preach to men about how they need to be better Fathers and husbands. I have never, in all the different churches I have been in, seen this scenario play out any other way. It is as if it is tradition to bash men and praise women in the Church.

Wouldn't it be nice for people speaking in Church to not have to disclaim what may possibly offend a woman and let fly any old anti-male comment without fear of retribution?

I think most women in the church are the same product of secular society that we read so often about in the mainstream press, I.E. woman fighting for her right to not be offended.

The Church is a place where polical correctness, regarding female hypersensitivity, is alive and well.

This is just my personal experience and opinion...
I have never heard of a man being ridiculed on Father's Day. I have only heard positive and uplifting things about fathers and their standing in their home and church family.
I also believe that women have just as big of a problem with adultery/lust/pornography than men do. Women just go about it differently and are less apt to publicly and openly discuss these issues. If a man should be faithful to a woman than a woman should equally be faithful to a man. The reason I found this site is because I just found out that the man I am in a very committed relationship with looks at pornography to masturbate. Being in a serious relationship I was seriously hurt and have never in my life felt so betrayed or hurt in my life. I felt that deep pain in my chest and the constriction along with it. I was shaking and failing at holding back tears. I think this is a serious matter and unless you yourself have come across it in a relationship, could not possibly know the potential pain and problem it may bring. This is a man I KNOW that God put in my life and I have more passion and love for him that could never be denied.. and yet, if pornography is in the picture.. I, no longer will be.
I tried to be open minded and research the causes, effects, pros, cons, feelings, etc etc of pornography in a relationship as well as in an individual and came out with nothing more than the fact that I stand strong in what I believe and feel.

And I haven't ever heard of anybody speaking in church giving women a free pass as oppose to men. Maybe what you're hearing is "men shall...." or "man should not...." etc. this is not disclaiming women at all. Because men are superior. They are the head of the household as well as the church, thus men or man. When you learn to speak spanish if you are referring to a group of women and one man is present then you automatically refer to them in the masculine form...it's the same thing as the bible saying men instead of men and women.

I was captivated by your heated response and thought I would drop my reply in. My reply that is not meant to be demeaning, rude, judgmental, or argumentative. I'm just hoping that someone can get something out of what I know in my heart is true.

I am a woman and not without sin. Being human makes me sinful by nature. However, my husband has a terrible obsession with pornography and it has been a problem for all of our marriage. He promises he can get it under control and says he trusts in God to help him but he will not seek counsel outside of himself and it continues to creep back into out lives. Most of the time he backslides via the computer which I consider willful and on purpose because it is not the accidental ad that pops up, I will find that he is searching for specific porn. Then when he is caught, he is always remorseful and sorry but after so many times of this happening, I am not so forgiving anymore. The latest was just yesterday and I walked in to catch him on the website. I have a 17 year old daughter living at home still (his stepdaughter) and I don't trust him around her. If his self control is so weak, what is to stop him from behaving inappropriate with her.

To give you perspective on this from a Christian wife (who has not led a perfect life by far), I have debated on leaving my husband because of this. I have never felt more betrayed in my entire life. I never thought my feelings would be this strong. Before we were married I considered myself a Christian woman, but as a single woman who has made mistakes in the past, I did not live a Christian life and watched pornography. I committed myself to my husband the day we married and now the porn and the lies are so overwhelming I do not know who he is and feel as if I should seek another who will respect himself and me enough not to do this. It is very hard to go through, knowing your husband doesn't respect you enough to be faithful and not lust after others. It's made me loose respect for him, he is supposed to be the leader of our house but instead he compares me to other women and says things like "Will you do that for me?" I cannot stand to hear it anymore. ANYTHING and I mean anything pleasurable I once thought of doing is now gone because I feel BETRAYED. It's very hard when you feel you are not good enough and that is how it makes you feel! When you give your life to someone through Christ you expect a happily ever after but the service seems to be forgotten so easily after you leave on Sundays. My husband makes excuses and rarely accepts responsibility, I always hear "I make him" or "He feel like less when...." or "When You" all more statements that insult and ridicule me driving us further apart (Who would want someone who always puts them down?). I feel he has absolute ZERO care in the world about me and I want someone one who does. So many thoughts have run through my mind including non-Christian ones such as divorcing him, cheating on him ... just hurting him the same way he has hurt me. I have no tolerance for anything else. So those are my two cents, I like 90% of the others here agree that pornography is absolutely adultery. Its ripped my marriage apart.

All that you say could be argued to hold some shallow credibility however it is expressed with tremendous undertones of resentment coupled with an artistic & clever method of fault redirection. One that draws the finger off the issue and points it back at an imaginary American church body run by women. Are you kidding me? What nonsense!! Men are honored equally on father’s day & a good bible based church teaches very well roundedly. Women are not given a free ‘sin pass’ in churches!! Your comments lead me to believe if you are attending church at all you have not sought to find one footed firmly in biblical truth. I do hope you make an attempt to find it before propagating more poor interpretation of who God’s people are. We are without excuse.
1.1.First, Sexual sin does not belong to men and covetousness, greed and lusts of material wealth does not belong to women. They are perceived as gender affiliated ‘sins’ however in reality there are just as many horrible husbands salivating disgustingly at pornography as there are wives baring too much cleavage in aisle 9 with the cereal boxes. Christian women who desire to be lusted after and men who lust after strange women are committing the same offense. Biblically they are committing adultery either by leading another into lusting for them or by lusting on another. Moreover, there are just as many man who are hungrily chasing the dollar bill as there are women anxious to spend it OR make it might I add. This, however, is a discussion of pornography and it’s relativity to marriage and further estimation as adultery. Your opinions on ‘women’s sins’ not being addressed is hardly relevant to the real presence of porn in marriages. In my experience if women’s sins are avoiding attraction to the world, desires for earthly wealth, and meaningless/selfish pursuits….these things are well preached; as is the tragedy of sexual sin. The bible does say that sin against the body is more severe so keep in mind that eyeing a hand bag and eyeballing a sex act are catastrophically different matters. Again, however, the issue in this article is solely that of pornography in the confines of marriage & what 'that' is.
2.Secondly, Your logic with respect to Paul's instruction is tremendously unbiblical. You state that, “If women would ask themselves what men get out of being married to them or what they are sacrificing to be with them they might start to understand more about men instead of judging them for why wives aren't more satisfied with their lives.” Marriage is not purely for the purpose of ‘not burning in lust’. Moreover, Paul’s instructions do not supersede Christ’s commands on purity in marriage and how a man is to honor, love & die for his wife as Christ did for the Church. They are simply his instructions to a church that was struggling with lustful young men (read your church history). Paul also told women to be quiet in church; but again this was to a church and within a culture whose population did not understand that shouting in church as they publically practiced elsewhere acceptably was disruptive. Paul gave instructions to be considered within cultural context. They are not to be manipulated to demean marriage or justify nasty sinful habits that men such as yourself want to justify. Men are not making ‘sacrifices’ of ‘all the other women they could have’ to be with their wives. If a man does not view his wife as a gift from God to be honored and loved as Christ loved the church then he should have just burned in sin until the day he 'knows' his savior. Is pornography more prevalent among males? Yes, but I argue that this is a sad generational conditioning and misstep of the church convincing men that sexual lusts are 'just something men deal with' or ‘the plight of the man’. It is almost considered comical or a point of commonality; as though their propensity toward pornography and extra-sexual interests outside or marriage and more so holiness to be their plight in life their connection with their need for Jesus. That’s nonsense! Men can be pure. Many men consider finding a wife far better than finding a drug addicted, sexual abused, under aged girl performing sex acts on the internet.
3.Finally, a man’s actions in marriage provoke a women’s happiness in a profound way. The bible says that the woman is the ‘glory of the man’; meaning that a woman’s behavior and fulfillment is a direct repercussion of the man’s reflection of Godly character into her life. If he’s betraying her and is blanketed in lust and porn he cannot reflect the love of Christ into her life & she will be miserable. If a man married so that he would not cheat or lust after many rather than that one he has not dealt with the sin itself and it will continue. That is not the wife’s fault or sin….that is his! Why would a woman want to seduce a man that is such a poor spiritual leader and lusting after every other woman he didn’t say ‘I do’ to. If a man wants a woman to be sexy for him he needs to make her confident no one else is doing it. A woman figures if you’re getting it elsewhere there is NO WAY you’re getting it from me. You assume that the sin in him is a result of her missteps when in most cases he detachment is a result of his sin. Additionally, an ungodly man is not even slightly attractive to a genuinely Christian woman….that is why marriages end over porn; that is why it is adultery. You speak of rigid woman who think sex is dirty….well plenty of women who love sex, desire it only with their husbands, are beautiful & sexy, and are not a bore still suffer the devastating blow that is pornography in their marriage. This is because it is a selfish issue of entitlement, the ‘I need what you can’t give me so I’m going to just go get it’ or ‘I’m a man and I can’t help it’ lie, and lust for what the world has corrupted and labeled ‘good’. A bunch of random, STD spreading, unattached, alcohol and drug addicted sexual encounters is not good; but men are seduced by the world into porn. It is not the wife’s fault it is the man’s failure.

I'm so sorry. I'm going through something similar. It's not your fault, your still as beautiful as you once knew you were....his eyes just don't see clearly now. Praying for you!

That is such a dangerous perspective. If a woman was paralyzed and could not perform sexually is a man then entitled to commit adultery? Does a sin justify another? We all fall short of the glory of God but should we all jump in after the one that jumped before us? There is no justification for toiling in porn and certainly not as justification for rocky spots in marriage. How will that solve the marital problems? It will not, it will only worsen them. This logic is similar to a meth addict taking 30 prescription painkillers a day to keep him or her from really screwing up their lives!! It's not a rational solution and it does no improve the situation.

I agree with dean007 and think that "Not I but Christ" does not know what she is talking about, as her name choice implies that she speaks for God.

Dean007 is pointing at a problem the modern church has that is guarded with great tenacity, as "Not I but Christ" seems to be protecting as well, that problem is the lack of accountability for the women in the church and the issues that they as women must come to terms with. Is it wrong for women to use the issue of sex to manipulate men? Is it right for women, and the church, to point their fingers at men while women are seeking romantic fulfillment from men in romance movies who are not their husbands? Is it right for women to heap upon men their extreme materialistic demands for maintaining "the American way of life" and insist that men go to early death in the pursuit of this glutonous materialism? When will these issues be treated with maturity by women?

To "Not I but Christ": Do you actually find it unbelievable that dean007 has experienced churches that bash men but do not ever mention the issues, or sins, of the women in their congregations? I have experienced the same thing. I think you pervert his context in order to posit your own "undertones of resentment coupled with an artistic & clever method of fault redirection". You are unfair to dean007.

The church will continue to stagnate as long as women are enabled and protected from their widespread sin issues.

Are you kidding me? You are actually making excuses for the sins of another by placing blame on the innocent party? A person is responsible for their own behavior, not the sins of the other person. The blame-mentality that you are suggesting is not only socially unacceptable, it is Biblically unacceptable. "work out your own salvation in fear and trembling", not ride someone else's coattails or blame them if it doesn't work for you. Whether or not you agree that it is sinful doesn't matter. The Bible says that it is, therefore, it is. Period. It doesn't matter what we, as sinful humans believe. God's word is unchanging and that is the final authority. As for 'meeting the sexual needs' of the other other person, we are only called to meet those needs as long as it doesn't extend into sinfulness or lasciviousness. If it does, then we aren't required to meet those needs. It sounds as if you have an issue with trying to get your wife to meet an need that is outside the box of normal and are trying to justify it. That is neither sacrificial nor loving-merely selfish and self-serving. Christ would not treat His church like that.

Are you kidding me? You interpret the Bible to mean what you think it means and insist that you are right and don't even cite what scripture you are claiming supports your view? Do you speak for God?Can I assume you are refering to the issue of "lusting after", right? Is it possible that "lusting after" means to have the intent of having sex with someone, I.E. pursuing them for sex? Is having sexual fantasies about someone the same as actually having sex with them. Not if there was never any intent to pursue it.

If someone has sexual fantasies of an animated person, as in fictitious, have they lusted after someone? What if that picture or video is of someone they never met nor ever will meet, is there a difference between that pic/video and the one of the animation? What if someone acts out on pornography of their spouse? Is that adultery with a computer or video camera?

Why is it that whenever someone tries to hold a woman accountable for ANYTHING the screeching and claws come out? Please read my post above.

In Him

It sure seems that you "Not I but Christ" will go to any and all lengths to shield women from accountability of any kind.

A wife that withholds from her husband is in no way innocent and if she engages in behavior seeking fulfillment from other men that she should only seek from her husband then she is also committing adultery, I.E. soap operas, romance movies etc.

Your hypothetical sitautions don't include God, they are not productive and only serve to excuse bad behavior by women.

So "Not I but Christ", how are you going to try to shield women from accountability this time. Men are always the only focus for criticism, right?

I think that the answers to these questions to the women are far too painful for most of you women and you will try any excuse to dodge the questions.

For instance: is it right for "christian" wives to EXPECT their husbands to earn enough money so the wives can pursue "the American way of life" and become extremely materialistic as most "Christian" women in America are?

If porn is wrong/adultery for husbands, then why isn't womens' addictions to soap operas, chick flicks, etc considered wrong/adultery for wives and why isn't it addressed in the church the way porn for men is ?

Is it right for "Christian" wives to divorce their husbands for not making enough money to satisfy the wives insatiable lust for materialism?

Last but not least: Do "Christian" wives ever ask themselves what clear benefit does their husband get out of being married to them, that he really couldn't live without when he was single?

The church will continue to stagnate as long as women are enabled and protected from their widespread sin issues.

Its funny that i saw this comment online, b/c we just had this debate with my family over dinner last night. The discussion surfaced b/c some of my christian brothers told me that they struggle with porn, and I know for a fact that they are anointed christians that have carnal struggles that we all have in some facet or another. My mother was quick to call them adulterers, and used the scripture in Matt that Jesus said that if a man looked at a women lustfully then he was committing adultery in his heart. I countered with saying I believe that was being taken out of context. I believe that Jesus was saying that men that believe just b/c they don't commit the act but do it in their heart are sinning. But i do not believe that he literally meant for women to have a get out of jail free card of justification to leave a marriage b/c they caught their husbands watching porn as oppose to committing the act. How do i know this? Well he said that if your eye causes you to sin then pluck it out! And if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off! Do you think he literally meant that if you look at a woman lustfully just once to pluck your eye out, or if you masterbated just once you should cut your hand off. If that were the case then almost 100% of men at some point in their lives would have no hands or eyes. Rather i believe that Jesus was warning us of the danger of this sin and counsels us abstain and train our bodies and minds to put to death these acts by the spirit. I think it is easy for women not to understand this issue b/c they don't struggle with it. But for men this is prob their strongest struggle. My wife has full confidence in me b/c she saw for five years prior to our marriage that i never made an unclean move on her, and I gained her trust fully. She saw me bear all the fruit of the spirit and abstained from all visible things. But when she made the same comment as my mom that men are accountable to adultery if they look at porn i asked her if she trusted me and knew that i was a Godly man who in all appearances is flawless and she said yes. So i told her although i have learned how to overcome my flesh through Christ that my mind often is bombarded with sexual thoughts that are of the grossest nature. And that times in my walk prior to our marriage i actually stumbled and looked at porn and even masterbated a couple of times. She was at awe that i said such a thing and was speechless. I told her she cannot understand the struggles that men go through. And that men have to fight very hard to overcome this issue. She has never had these thoughts pour through her mind, and i can attest that although i have learned to master these thoughts that i can def have compassion on men who succumb to them b/c they are sometimes so intense. I think that porn is devastating, and so is masterbation. And i counsel men to abstain from such acts and say that it will separate them from the Spirit of the Father, and that through Jesus Christ it can be put to death even though it is soooo hard and your flesh burns like fire at times. But i will not lie to a women and tell her that just b/c her husband looked at porn she is allowed to divorce him. That is no way biblical. But rather she should have compassion on his struggle as she may have with money or material things and pray for him to be healed of this sin. If he, however, commits the act then it is adultery.

Thank you.

It's arguable that a woman denying her husband is an act of being unfaithful.  The bible warns women to not deny their husbands - her flesh belongs to him.  It says the same way about a man, his flesh belongs to her.  The way that I look at it is if a woman 'is' denying you sexually, then you need to confront her about it. 

I did this with my wife and she realized, hey -- that 'is' what I've been doing...and our lives have gotten better as a result.  Porn is still a temptation because Porn can be like Twinkies.  Anytime a man's sexual appetite is growling -- having Twinkies in the house will be a constant source of temptation for anyone that doesn't realize that they are BAD for you.

I think deep down in our hearts, we ALL know that Porn is very bad -- and the women and men in the Porn are lost, sad, people that need our prayers ... not our perversion.

Everyone right now should pray that every man, including myself, has the strength to live IN RIGHTEOUSNESS with CHRIST and GOD for ETERNITY!  Say NO to sin people, say YES to your relationship with God!!

Absolutely.  Viewing another person doing sexual acts is a sin against not only your spouse, but also against God.  I know that I felt cheated on when my husband viewed porn, which he was secretly doing under the InPrivate  Browsing tab on our computer, and I took it very seriously.  I felt horrible and I don't know if he is still doing it, which makes it worse.  Oh, and on top of that, our children saw it on the computer!

This is a very very complex issue! I think it really depends on the severity of the porn. Such as if you are producing porn i think thats where the line is drawn but i think if you watch porn its not terrible. The person who wrote in that magazine said if one watches porn on a laptop or tv how is that different from watching a woman in real life. The reason it is different is because its not real life your supposed to be the only one who knows your doing it. But this brings me to an issue ok so people watch porn to masterbate usually so if you dont use porn and you are thinkin or fantasizing of a woman that is suppised to be your wife?! I think that it depends if your wifes ok with it. You should talk to your wife and fully discuss why you do it the reasons behind it and such. I think if you lust for that person it is a sin but what is it that jesus did? yea he died for our sins. technecally in the bible it says as long as you are with God you wil go to heaven. Everyone sins we just should try to minimalize our sins.

While I agree what women should not withhold themselves from their husbands, that is not a cure all for pornography. It is SO deeply ingrained in some men (like my husband) that even if I submit to him sexually, he will still go on to look at porn THAT VERY NIGHT.

Wow, I have never heard it so well put. The writer to whom you are responding does one thing consistently, which is to blame the church and women for men sinning. While it is true that the church as an institution may have faults, which it inevitably will because they are run by human beings, he is really missing the mark. I agree that he has bought into the modern notion that lusting after any and all women is something that he was born with rather than something that men are conditioned to.  The nature versus nurture issue is one which this person is claiming to be an expert on.  Making generalizations about Christian women as being "typical frigid Christian women" and implying that they use it to manipulate men is insulting and demeaning. You addressed every point with absolute clarity and in a way which upholds the spirit and intent of the bible.  Thank you.

My personal thoughts are pornography = adultery, but also is a symptom of a greater underlying problem. Usually sexual addiction, or just plain addiction. My husband was addicted to pornography and what I realized was that he was desensitized to me. Our physical relationship became a source of release, a way to rid anxieties, stress, etc. The intimacy was gone and thus the marriage broken. For a man to watch pornography, he is not committed to living his life for God. I was 100% committed to my marriage and gave my husband the best when it came to physical intimacy. There was no reason for him to seek pleasure elsewhere, especially under our roof with young children at home. I will/did not tolerate it, nor will God.

Erase his computer and change the locks. When he comes home, tell him the next tim you find porn in the house you will not be giving him a new key and he can pick up his suitcase and divorce papers at his mothers (friend's etc) who will know why the suitcase is there of course :).

Porn = Adultery if you say it does. 

I think porn is betrayal and act in infidelity. especially if it has been discussed and both parties spoke up against watching it.
A women denying a man sex may be an act of unfaithfulness. But at the same time a man should respect a women enough to not want to have sex with her when she doesn't want to. Pregnant, physically unwell. I think women should do what they can to please their husbands, the same way men should do what they can to please women(take out the friggen trash instead of hiding somewhere to watch porn and masturbate).
Having your husband or mate watch porn is hugely disrespectful and makes many women feel inferior and unsexy. Is that the way to please a women? Centainly not.
Many men who watch porn do not have wives that deny them sex.

This should clear up any issues. No loopholes, and no workarounds. Jesus
said; “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery’.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed
adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it
out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than
for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you
to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of
your body than for your whole body to go into hell” (Matthew 5:27-30).

My answer is a whole hearted yes. My husband and I have had a rocky year so far, and we're only a quarter of the way in! It started with each of us finding out that the other had betrayed us, one of us had an affair, the other one admitted a 2 year addiction to pornography. Who was hurt the worst? Ask my husband, he will tell you that he was hurt the worst. Ask me, and of course I will tell you that I am hurting the worst. Ask God, and I think he will tell you that we both sinned, that we both went outside of our marriage for fulfillment. I am praying for our marriage every day. Forgiveness seems like it should be so easy, but it's hard. In our situation, we both were wrong and we both are hurt. To me, there's no longer a distinction between pornography and adultery.

Great non-answer. I agree wholeheartedly.

If you are a single man and wached it, would it be a sin?

The way I see it is, you choose your partner and family or selfishness, that's as complicated as it gets! There is always room for healing but only where there is repentance (sincere turning away, in heart and mind, from self to God).

By the bibles definition, yes.
(Mathew 5:27-30 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart...")

By the world's definition, no.
(Webster's Dictionary ADULTERY : voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband)

Clearly your stance will depend on whether or not you're a believer. I think Christians, myself included, have been confused about how to treat pornography in relation to adultery because they bounce between the bible's definition and the world's definition. If you're not Christian you'll most likely chose the Webster definition and not see a clear problem with porn or even partake in porn use without much of a conscience.

My husband (Catholic) is a porn addict who has been lying about his problem since we met. I felt as though he was lying in this area specifically and he defended himself throughout regular arguments... Protecting himself, saying I was crazy and leaving me in horribly compromising possitions. (ie on the side of the street etc.) I began to think I was being silly though in retrospect I believe God might have been speaking to me because I had no evidence of his addiction just this sixth sense. He lied to get me to date him, he lied to get me to marry him. 4 years in I found a trail of his porn use. I wanted to die... I wished I had trusted that small voice and not him! I had waste my one chance to marry! I had been gravely deceived and there was no going back. My life forever scarred by a man who slaughtered me with hateful words... threatened my life and our unborn baby... Let me sleep in hotel lobbies while he slept in the room... All to protect himself in a lie.

I tried for 13 years... We went to counseling as he continued to lie to me, himself and the then counselor, I helped him find men's groups, I stayed with him and asked him to open up to me. I prayed and prayed for him. And the porn continued to surface. I kicked him out for the first time last week... With our 3 kids under 6 years old feeling the effects. Though I feel it was the right thing to do for our marriage it will never feel right to have crushed the kids in this way.

I am destroyed.
Begging God to bring answers, to being aid to something that was faultered from the first day... All due to the power of pornography, the guilt he caried, and the perfect portrait he tried to portray.

My husband has and probably still does use porn. Unlike some of you woman I feel betrayed because of this. How can you make love to your husband knowing he has that image of another woman in his mind. He is not making love to you at all just using your body. I"m not so sure I would call it making love, It is just fantacy sex. I can't deal with that. Most men want to marry a respectful woman but they want a whore in bed. To me yes it is adultry, it is mental adultry. I have been married for 26 years and I have to say my husbands actions has made me feel I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough or have breast big enough. In other words he has killed any self worst I ever had about mysef. Ladies you deserve better than this and if we don't stop allowing them to treat us like this it is only going to get worse. God Bless

I do not believe that porn is adultery, but it is sin. When Jesus said "If you lust after a woman you have committed adultery in your heart" It was not in the context of a painting or a photograph. I think one can assume it related to lusting after a particular woman, it was the idea of entertaining thoughts about having sex with a particular individual, not an image. I believe pornography is sin and sexual fantasy that is outside the boundaries permitted by Scripture is sin. But I do not believe it rises to the level of adultery. I don't know of an instance where God punished anyone in Scripture for having sinful thoughts, it was acting on those thoughts that resulted in judgement and discipline.

Some people think porn isn't adultery. Well, when Jesus told us that looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery in our hearts, that would include ANY image. When we look at a real person, we're seeing an image. The same as we do when watching porn. This isn't about the law. It's about the purity of the heart. If we wilfully give in to lust, we're letting our "Adam" side corrupt our hearts. Walking in our new self involves separating our hearts from our old selves. Remember when Paul spoke about his own struggles with his old sinful self. Not doing the things he should or often doing things he shouldn't. In spite of his battles, his heart was always in the righy place. Striving to let the old die away. Every time we give in to lust we are walking backwards. I know lust well. I watched every kind of porn and masturbated to it sometimes five times a day. All while being married. It's a horrible thing that grows and grows and wrecks your spirit.

Does pornography = adultery?
No. and Yes.
Yes, in terms of your personal relationship with God. Your body is His temple, He began to live inside you when you invited Him in to be your one and only God. There can be no other God before Him, and He's far greater than your spouse, so you should already have far greater conviction to not commit adultery on that than because of your marriage vows. If you commit adultery as a christian, you did that against God FIRST, THEN your spouse, THEN your children if any, your family unit. That's what Lordship is about. We don't mind Him being our Saviour, but Lordship is a daily commitment of our covenant with Him, which is superior to marriage covenant. Giving your body to idolatrous activity, including porn, is all adultery. Not just porn. Be honest. We all know how much we can violate our lives before God with our five physical senses, not forgetting what we 'wear' on our bodies. Simple.
So if you're a married christian and you commit physical fornication, even without intercourse, you've done enough damage before God. Even in thought. We know this. Sexual fantasy is adultery before God. Coveting anything out of lust or envy, or 'idolising' people (not just admiring) is also idolatrous before God. Take your pick.
Sex, becoming 'one' outside marriage, that's the big deal breaker for marriage, worthy of divorce. Don't make the mistake of crossing over the spiritual too much with the natural. All have fallen short of the glory of God. Sex makes two people one. You inherit their soul baggage, all their faults and curses both spiritual and physical become co-owned by you, the adulterer. Then you give all that extra garbage to your spouse the next time you both have sex. You just made your marriage many times worse.
It was enough trying to deal with your own baggage as a single christian. You got married to a christian even if you were sexually clean or even a virgin. But you did the same thing with sex like everybody else does... all your "current" faults and failures of the spirit and flesh are inherited by the other person. This happens throughout life. You wanna have the best sex? Get your soul clean, close every spiritual door in your life to the powers of darkness, make sure you have no bitterness or resentment or unforgiveness toward your spouse (and lovingly help your spouse be clean too!), THEN you can have sex that's a blessing for both. Otherwise, even if you've never committed physical adultery against your spouse, you each multiply your burdens. With sex, every problem in your lives is shared or inherited, including your dna, whether or not you enjoyed or justified the buzz. Far more often than not, sex makes a mess, so its better to sort out that mess with minimal sexual partners, namely keeping sex between the husband and wife. Wanna make your marriage many times worse than it is? Commit adultery.
No need to wonder why there's constant marriage strife and divorces. Nobody's clean enough.