Discussing
Why Christians shouldn't play the Tiger Mother game

Being a Chinese Christian born in Singapore, I can say that what Amy Chua is advocating is not against Christian principles, but rather the fact that it can easily lead to abuse. There are a few scriptural support for strict discipline:

Proverbs 13:24 (New International Version, ©2010)
24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 19:18 (New International Version, ©2010)
18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

Hebrews 12:5-11 (New International Version, ©2010)
5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a] 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Clearly, the real issue to me is really whether the parents are mature enough to enforce such discipline on children. I believe Amy Chua is a mature and established adult in her own right, so she is capable of carrying out such strictness on her kids.

Bethany, this is SUCH a good article. We discussed the Amy Chua article in the moms group I lead at church, and I'm going to send them the link to this. Thanks!

I agree, I found that missing in Chua's interviews. I don't know what religion she is (if she is one) and where such concerns weigh in for her. But you can't drill for character virtues, let alone for faith. The question is, how do you encourage those things?

I am reminded of Aristotle who said that excellences usually follow each other. The person who develops his intellect tends to develop other virtues as well, and vice versa. While we are not condemned for our failing, the Bible is also full of drives toward excellence of one kind or another. Personally I see a lot of room for "Chinese parenting" (in a limited form) under the Christian ethos. God expects us to become the best we can possibly be and as a parent will help us become hat. That is also the approach Mrs. Chua seems to be trying to develop.

Of course there are abuses, and I wouldn't want to grow up in a household like some of the stories describe. (The 'Little Donkey' incident? *blech*) But I can also see this mindset serving discipleship better than our child-centric, let's-shelter-the-fragile-egos approach many parents employ today.

I agree with Peter. While I appreciate the needed counter-weight that Bethany's response to Chua provides, it seems to me that Bethany has conflated somewhat non-related issues. From Chua's article, she's not addressing issues of faith and is only indirectly addressing issues of love. In fact, in Chua's article she makes a rather clear distinction between love and discipline, claiming that they are really separate issues (whereas they are not for Westerners). Despite forcing her child to finish the piano piece correctly, even in lieu of a loo . . . they spent the evening cuddling in bed.

Chua point is that we conflate a lack of discipline with love. The same can be said about the way we practice Christianity. We operate under love and peace and joy and have created a couple generations of rather shallow, mostly self-serving, Christians, which is what I think Marta was getting at...

I'm all for hearing arguments against Chua's disciplined discipline, but to argue that it is unChristian, I think, is to mistake a Western cultural ideal for a biblical perspective. As Peter notes, biblical interpretations on the issue are not closed. Perhaps if we used Chua's method a bit more in disciplining our children to memorize scripture . . .

So what you're saying is that if we want to be perfect parents, we ought not have children? I'm so there!

Thank you for posting this! I don't think that Chua's strict discipline is un-Christian and agree with Peter and Tim that the Bible supports strict parenting, I think the crucial difference between "Chinese mothering" and "western parenting" (as Chua defines them) and Christian parenting is the ultimate goal and how success is defined.
The Chinese mother wants to raise a child who is better than others and who achieves measurable successful in education, career and (certain) arts. The western parent wants a child who feels good about him/herself, is happy and feels free to pursue whatever interests he/she desires. I agree with Bethany's point that the goal of a Christian parent is to raise a child who loves the Lord and by virtue of that values grace, service and excellence.
I don't see anywhere that Bethany said Christian parents should not be strict or renounced Chua's methods of discipline. The point is merely that if success means being the best, you will fail, because nobody can be the best at everything. And if success means being happy because you feel good about yourself and your ability to follow your dreams, you will fail because nobody is always happy or always feels good about themselves. But if success means loving the Lord with all that you have and living by grace you can achieve a balance of the Chinese and western methods and produce truly fruitful children....and maybe even let go of the "mommy wars."

I also don't see how Chua's definition of good parenting can address parenting children with disabilities. Some of the best parents I've seen are raising children who struggle in many areas. What's beautiful about the Christian perspective of parenting that you described, is that even the children and parents with such "outstanding" challenges, can rank first!

-I'm proud to say we have had the pleasure of having your dad here in Ukraine. Great guy! - Sarah de Vuyst

As a dad who partnered in the raising of three children, now adults and two of which are new parents, I'd like to throw in my two cents' worth. I was fortunate to be with my kids in the summers, being a teacher; we enjoyed "daddy-camp" exploring what the Chicago area had to offer in museums, galleries, parks, libraries, and the like; as well as travelling to visit grandparents in Michigan and Colorado. Yes, there were piano lessons, and Little League baseball, but these were offered as enrichment, not imposed. The school year found them as disciplined students, being in the household of a teacher and a college administrator; education and reading and the school milieu became their life as much as ours. Similarly, church was not a strain, not a hassle, as my wife and I were involved at various levels most years---and church became their life as much as ours. Chua focuses on parent-imposed discipline; our family experienced parent-modeled living (and my wife and I experienced similar models in our upbringing). Are my kids projects/products of my work, my ambition, an extension of my own dreams of success and skill? Is parenting to be a vicarious venture---to create something in the child what the parent was or wished to be? I hope not---and I see in them three unique individuals who all have been a pleasant surprise in what they have become and are becoming. We were thrice-blessed to not have issues with rebellion or identity crises; likewise we were blessed not to have passivity or overly-compliant kids. My heart goes out to parents and kid who struggle with each other and within themselves; as a teacher and as a church member charged with baptismal vows of the congregation to aid in children's upbringing, I can attest to the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child"---and I also thank the many teachers and fellow-travellers at church for their influence and modeling for my family.
I'm glad Chua's book is being discussed in moms' groups; I'm glad that churches provide space for moms' groups, for the sharing and the support found there.