“How much did she cost?” the cashier at the grocery store asked, pointing to my daughter.
I nervously shifted Evie, on my hip and swiped my credit card. My husband and I had just gotten home from Beijing, China, with our new daughter and I wasn’t prepared for prying questions from strangers.
“How much did you pay for your car?” I shot back.
She wrinkled her forehead, frowned, and was obviously offended by my question.
“I’d just heard that it was $100,000 to adopt from a China,” she hissed.
“It’s not $100,000,” I sighed. “She didn’t cost a penny. We did, however, pay a social worker and an agency to help facilitate the adoption.”
As I headed back to my car, I had a sinking feeling that more people would ask the same question. I was right. The first week Evie was home, my dentist, a neighbor, and a stranger at the park all wanted to know: How much?
It is true, adoption isn’t cheap. There are a lot of fees that add up quickly. We paid for a home study, visas, passports, immigration papers, plane tickets, and hotels. Quite honestly, it is a financial sacrifice. But so are other things that people don’t question, like sending your child to college. People find a way to do it. Much like financing a college education, there are grants, loans, and federal tax credits available to adoptive parents.
I wonder, though, what’s the cost of not adopting? It was never God’s intention for children to grow up in an orphanage without the love of a mother or father. Clearly God weeps for those who suffer, especially the fatherless. In fact, in Matthew 19:14, Jesus berates his disciples for turning children away from him. Jesus invites the children to stay and declares that the kingdom of Heaven belongs not to the grown-ups but to the kids. It is one of the many beautiful pictures in the Bible that illustrates God as our Abba or Father.
It is also a call to action. Just as Jesus welcomed the children, he asks us to reach out to the neediest to the least of these.
Imagine what would happen if every Christian world-wide cared for orphans? I know not every Christian is called to parent an orphaned child. But I do believe that Christ calls every Christian to care for and support the fatherless. That could be praying for an adoptive family, supporting an adoption cause, or sponsoring a waiting child.
Financing an adoption isn’t the price tag that should shock people. It’s the cost of standing by and doing nothing that should leave Christ-followers speechless.
(Amy has written children’s books, a teen magazine column, interviews, and adoption applications. She is the proud mother to two boys who are 7 and 4. Her latest adventure led her to Beijing, China, with her husband Jonathan where they met their newest addition to the family, a two year old little girl. You can read about her life, faith, and the ups, downs, and joys of motherhood at www.1001tears.blogspot.com.)
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Comments (5)
However, it is worth pointing out that there are thousands of children in the US awaiting adoption, many of whom have had just as horrific of experiences as those abroad, who will cost essentially nothing in legal fees or flights to adopt; these are children in the foster care and social service system.
They are often not infants or toddlers, and sometimes people are hesitant of adopting children who may have been abused or have developmental delays (though in fact many of them have been in neither situation). But in truth, they need a caring home just as much as any other child, and I hope that those who are spurred on to consider adoption by this excellent post will also consider domestic adoption as a possibility. (Yes, the tax credits still apply if you spend money to accomplish this, and - sadly, I think - they are offered to you even without incurring expenses if the child is deemed "special needs" - perhaps with the implication that no one would take him/her without a tax break, which is heart-breaking.)
So, while Christians aren't supposed to sit idly by, I have to ask, if it costs that much to transfer a starving child into arms that would love her and feed her, is that justice? Should we participate in that?
I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm wrestling with this question for my own life as well.
I think what you are wrestling with are legitimate issues that I myself (along with my wife) wrestled with before deciding to adopt from Russia. I have my own opinions about whether or not it is "justified" for so many people to make money through the adoption journey. However, leaving that issue alone, I think the alternative is to leave a child without a forever family on "principal"...for a measly $30,000 (yes measly...a lot of people won't hesitate to spend that on a car). How is it "just" to leave a child without a family and drive a new car? As a side note, you may not drive a new car but millions of Christians do (on credit I might add). I hope I don't come across as harsh, but I am very passionate about the subject.
But the truth about the actual costs are:
-Tax credits covered the majority of our expenses
-Many couples we met were infertile and had spent equally large amounts of money on doctors, in vitro fertilization, etc.
-Use of a reputable adoption agency kept the price down – no bribes or outlandish fees.
-I have spent many times the cost of the adoption on my daughter in the past 12 years (she’s not even to High School yet…)
-We have a moderate middle class income – we don’t pinch pennies, but we also don’t drive new cars or carry debt. We could afford adoption. College – we’re hoping for scholarships…!
We are not big crusaders for adoption, but to us it just makes sense. There a children without families, and we were a family that wanted another child. And God in His grace has blessed us tremendously with and through our daughter.