Joyful Movies for a Blue Christmas

When I heard Taylor Swift’s lead single, “Fortnight,” from her latest album, The Tortured Poets Department, I thought about Laurie from Little Women.

The single line from the song that kept repeating in my head was this: “I love you, it’s ruining my life.” Theodore “Laurie” Laurence, portrayed by Timothée Chalamet in Greta Gerwig’s 2019 film adaption, is desperately in love with Jo March (Saoirse Ronan), but she doesn’t reciprocate the feeling. In a particularly emotional scene where Jo rejects Laurie’s proposal, he says: “I would rather hang myself than realize this, Jo. I would rather be dead.”

“I love you, it’s ruining my life” is a sensation that many of us have experienced. Perhaps a blunt statement, it sums up so well feelings of loss: romantic, familial, and otherwise. “I love you, I can’t have you, I lost you, how can I live without you?” These feelings can be particularly heavy during the Christmas season, when we are often reminded of family traditions in which we can no longer partake or are forced to watch others spend joyful days with loved ones who are still here.

As those of us who have experienced grief know, there is no cure or fix. Christmas in our culture stands for togetherness, family, and a gathering of loved ones. For some of us, this can exacerbate our own sense of loss. This extends to Christmas movies, too. Many Christmas-themed movies focus on love, reconciliation, and a happy ending, all wrapped up in a neat bow. It might feel infuriating to watch; for some years, it’s felt that way for me. That’s why I have a number of movies I revisit each year that portray real, actual grief, loss, sadness, and loneliness. They allow me to hold these sacred feelings, sit with them for a while, and process my grief. They all have traditional happy endings, but make room for life’s less than happy moments. They also remind me that I am not alone, as lonely as I may feel. Many others around the world experience these feelings of a “blue Christmas.”

In Matthew 5:4, Jesus tells us: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” While we may not feel blessed to be sad, grief is a reminder that we loved, we can love again, and we have a community of loving believers surrounding us. I hope these three movies allow you to feel your grief, while also bringing a sense of comfort this holiday season.

Little Women (2019)

Greta Gerwig’s Little Women is a story about loss in all its forms: loss of life; lost love; grief over feeling as if you’re not enough or too much; loneliness in a world that’s not built for you. In a gut-wrenching moment, Jo March tells Marmee (Laura Dern): “I'm so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I'm so sick of it. But I’m so lonely.”

Little Women is objectively sad. I am reminded of my own loss when Beth March (Eliza Scanlan) dies. I’m reminded of feeling unworthy when Amy March (Florence Pugh) proclaims that she’s always been second place to Jo. I’m reminded of being so afraid of loneliness. But the movie also portrays the beautiful community built by the March family. Despite the dark moments, the loss, and the loneliness, they come together. They are reminded, through all of these terrible events, that they are stronger together.

We can heed that reminder, knowing that the “great cloud of witnesses” who surround us can keep us strong when we feel weak. Theologian Charles Spurgeon wrote: “Some Christians try to go to heaven alone, in solitude. But believers are not compared to bears or lions or other animals that wander alone. Those who belong to Christ are sheep in this respect, that they love to get together. Sheep go in flocks, and so do God’s people.” Like sheep, we walk through life’s challenges together. And like sheep, we have a great shepherd to care for us in Jesus Christ.

Klaus (2019)

The Netflix animated film Klaus is an Academy Award nominee, and for good reason. The animation is stunning, the story is unique, and the message is universal: Christmas can warm even the coldest of hearts.

In the film, Jesper (voiced by Jason Schwartzman), a spoiled mainlander, is sent to the tiny island village of Smeerensburg as a new postman. Little does he know that the island consists of two clans who have been fighting for hundreds of years, fostering a deep divide of hate for each other and outsiders. One of the few non-feuding residents is Klaus (J.K. Simmons), a lonely toymaker who lives on the outskirts of town. You may guess who Klaus becomes, but he only does so by way of help from Jesper, who desperately needs to succeed at this job in order to go back to his comfortable life. What starts as a scheme to get children to mail letters to Klaus in exchange for a toy turns into a years-long tradition and a friendship. Jesper learns that Klaus was married, but lost his wife. He desperately wanted children and made many toys in anticipation, but it wasn’t to be. Both Jesper and Klaus are lonely, but find shared kinship with each other. The film lets viewers feel the loneliness and loss, allowing us to connect with Klaus’ story about grief and Jesper’s story about isolation.

Toward the end of the film, after many years of gift-giving, Klaus dies, but his tradition lives on. This is a reminder to all of us that though our lives may have shifted or changed, the beauty in grief is that it’s love living on. The first Christmas after my mom died was extremely hard. I didn’t want to partake in any traditions. But after (begrudgingly) putting up the tree and taking out the ornaments, I was reminded of our memories together. In her 2022 Advent devotional, author Kate Bowler writes that Advent recognizes “the absence of peace, yet the exquisite certainty of its coming.” At the time, my life felt tumultuous and far from peaceful. But practicing familiar Advent traditions, continuing Christmas memories, and remembering the light of Jesus born out of the dark gave me a sense that peace could come again. I felt a little less alone, knowing my memories would live on.

The Santa Clause (1994)

One of my favorite Christmas movies is The Santa Clause. I’ve watched it every year since I was a child. It’s a quintessential Christmas movie, in which selfish workaholic Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) learns the true meaning of Christmas by actually becoming Santa Claus after a freak accident on his roof. Comedic moments abound: Scott’s ever-growing beard, despite his constant shaving; Scott adjusting to life in the North Pole; the E.L.F.S. unit breaking Scott/Santa out of jail.

But behind the comedy is a story about a loss. Scott’s ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her new husband Neal (Judge Reinhold) believe Scott to be passing on his delusions about Santa and the North Pole to son Charlie (Eric Lloyd). In a particularly devastating scene, we hear a judge decide to revoke visitation rights from Scott just before Christmas. The Santa Clause doesn’t shy away from this grief. We see it from all sides: Scott, the grieving father; Charlie, the confused son; Laura and Neal, worried about whether or not they made the right choice. The movie holds this loss in balance with the comedy, reminding us that life is full of both dark and joyful moments. Ultimately, when Scott reveals himself as Santa Claus to Laura and Neal, the movie gets a happy ending.

We may not always get the Hollywood happy ending—life is often messier than movies—but we’re reminded that, in whatever stage of grief or loss or loneliness we’re in, we are never truly alone. In her book Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church, theologian Rachel Held Evans wrote, “We are called to enter into one another’s pain, anoint it as holy, and stick around no matter the outcome.” My prayer for you this Christmas season is that you feel the warm, loving embrace of God and his children, holding you through the pain and hurt.

_______________

At Think Christian, we encourage careful cultural discernment. We recognize and respect that many Christians choose not to engage with pop culture that contains particular content, such as abuse, sex, violence, alcohol or drug use, or that employs the use of coarse language. To that end, we suggest visiting Common Sense Media for detailed information regarding the content of the particular pieces of pop culture discussed in this article.