Discussing
Is God a free-range parent?

Before we crack down too hard on free-ranging parenting, consider that God Himself loves us this way.

I understand the premise of your article. However, it's vital to explain that being too permissive and not holding children accountable for their actions can lead to destruction. Not only in their lives but also to those around them. God teaches us that we must work for what we want or need. He doesn't give us everything freely and now-a-days children/teenagers do not have a sense of work ethic. These are vital lessons that need to be taught by parents. Parenting is like leadership, there always need to be a balance. It's not about being permissive but about being fair to the moment in time. God is fair and wise, therefore we as parents need to be fair and wise and not stick to just one type of parenting. That's my two cents. GBY, and thank you for your time.

In Reply to Grethel (comment #28009)
----------------------------------------
Thanks for your comment, Grethel. I certainly agree that children are often given too much leeway, and that many parents are reluctant to hand out consequences for poor behavior. In my own experience, I've found that to be the case with "helicopter" parents who promote the kind of narcissism that leads children to thinking they are the center of the universe, without accountability or responsibilities. Work is a blessing - as Elisabeth Elliot has written. The first directive given to Adam was to name the animals, and then, to tend the Garden: God's first tasks for mankind, if you will. We have a list of daily chores that have to be performed by the kids, and have enacted a "sliding scale" for infractions of the rules (time out, no t.v., etc.). Parenting is often complicated work, but you brought up some excellent points. Thank you for your comment!

Sarah, I really like what you're saying here. But something wasn't sitting right with me about the theological comparison, and after reading again today I think I know what it is.

God is able to do for us as a Parent what none of us can do for our own: He comes to dwell spiritually within us, transforming our desires (and consequently our behavior) from the inside out. It's true that it's an invited and welcome presence--not one forced on us--but because it's genuinely transformative, I'm not sure it's fair to say He's "free range" in the sense that modern parenting advisors mean it. I don't think it would be right to say He's "helicopter" either, of course--and I've written about that myself here on TC years ago when all the controversy over Aubrey Ireland suing her own parents was in the news. But it can be misleading when we paint the picture in binaries, as though the only alternative to "free range" is "helicopter" and vice-versa. (I'm not accusing you of that here. Only commenting on it because your piece has given me cause to reflect on it, and I often hear the media and other parenting "experts" paint it this way.)

My own experience of God's parenting of me has been one of exploration AND discipline, letting me experience the just consequences of my behavior at times AND ALSO graciously preserving me from them at other times. In my own parenting, I try (though quite imperfectly) to emulate that moderation...and I find myself constantly having to resist the simplistic lure of being too permissive or being too restrictive.

Thanks for the reflection. Makes me feel challenged facing my next stay-at-home-daddy weekend coming.

Good thoughts, JKana. The comparison used here is meant only in the broadest sense of God's "proximity" to us as natural, earthly parents. It's an imperfect comparison, to be sure. He certainly doesn't fit into either paradigm exclusively, as His divine nature is something altogether different than ours - and He provides us things as a parent that we cannot provide our own children. It is reassuring to know, however, that He works in our lives to effectuate freedom of will. In that respect, we are just like our own children - we choose to follow, to obey. We will never have God's transformational power, but we must provide the same correct instruction as He does. I'm reminded daily of just how short I fall in the balance between "restrictive" and "permissive" (and I would add, "exhausted"). Really excellent points. Thank you!